Dean Koontz has been one of my favorite authors for years. Nobody writes better suspense and horror novels. Koontz’s books will scare you, will keep you up at night and will make you think about terrible things.

The novel “Phantoms,” while not one of my favorite Koontz titles, was still a very frightening, highly original and creepy page-turner.

Before I turn this into Book Chat With Mike, let me get to the new movie version of “Phantoms.” It is a perfect example of why I like reading scary books a lot more than I like watching horror movies.

The fact the movie was absolutely awful wasn’t really a surprise, but it was disappointing. Koontz books have always made notoriously horrible movies. If you don’t believe me, try watching “Hideaway” or “Watchers.”

WARNING: Watching both of the above movies on the same night may lead to total and complete brain failure. Don’t do it.

So, if the movie versions of the books are always so bad, why was I disappointed by “Phantoms?” Because this time, Koontz himself was adapting the screenplay.

The story is an interesting idea that just isn’t executed very well. The mountain town of Snowfield is wiped out by some evil, mysterious thing.

A few survivors attempt to live through the night, discover what happened to the thousands of residents who are missing or dead and try to destroy the Ancient Enemy.

In the movie, the plot is presented in an almost outline form and nothing gets really developed. It’s all so rushed; nothing gets explained. If I hadn’t read the book before, I don’t think I would have had one clue as to what the hell was going on.

Another big problem is the dialogue in this movie. It’s just awful. Listen to this scintillating exchange which takes place between the sheriff and his deputy:

“I need you to be OK.”

“I’m OK.”

“OK then.”

There is definitely a difference between book dialogue and movie dialogue. Words that sound good on the page may sound ridiculous when said out loud. I wish I could think of an example to illustrate that point. Oh, wait, I know; “Phantoms.”

I should mention the sheriff is played by one of my favorite new stars, Ben Affleck (“Chasing Amy” and “Good Will Hunting”). Well, every actor needs one movie to look back on and be embarrassed he was in it. This will be Affleck’s. He should definitely leave “Phantoms” off his resume.

Another problem here is the special effects are just so cheesy by today’s standards. Visually, they were about at the same level of what you would see on “Hercules” or “Xena: Warrior Princess.”

“Phantoms” is a horror movie that doesn’t scare, doesn’t frighten, and perhaps worst of all, doesn’t entertain. Here’s an idea if you want to be scared and entertained: read the book.

0 stars out of five.

---

Mike Milik is a senior in advertising from West Des Moines.