I’m having one of those weeks again.

Ups and downs seem to be the trend of my life once more.

I swear that life is the most trivial thing ever. I now hear rumors certain Iowa State officials are thinking about inserting a break-away goal post so students can’t tear them down.

Also, I was informed recently (thanks Rob) that students contribute $900,000 dollars to the athletic department. That’s before students pay for football tickets.

The way I see it, we have bought and paid for the goal posts. We should be able to tear them down if we please.

What is this crap? I dare you to put in break-away goal posts.

The next big win we have, there will be a riot if those posts detract before we get there.

Is there really a need for them? Christ, we only win one game every couple of years. Let us celebrate a little.

Trivial, I tell ya. Trivial!

The most trivial thing at all occurred to me Saturday evening. I realized that there is a direct link between the ISU football team and my personal life (if, in fact, I really do have one).

To allow you to further understand my situation, I must spill a little personal oil on you.

I have been dating my woman since I was 15 years old. We have had the best of times and the worst of times.

So there I was Saturday, watching the Iowa game and making fun of her. It’s just two things that always seem to go together.

I was suddenly hit by a flashback of six years ago when I had done the very same thing. But this time, it was different.

Although there was much hype about our future, in a sense, I yearned for the past.

Where have the days gone where whoring and drinking was an established 15-year-old cultural norm?

I’m getting old, and sometimes a bright future seems a little shaky.

It’s the same with ISU. I still cheer and always have faith. But I kind of miss the Walden era.It wasn’t so damn serious. Walden sucked, ISU sucked and nobody really took it too seriously.

A few years later, I find myself in a situation where I feel I am almost forced to care — much like the situation with my current lady.

It’s also the same with sex. I would think that after bagging my fiance for the 10 millionth time that it would get old. But it always gets better.

It’s the same with ISU football. Every time we lose, it gets better. My point is that the losses mean more to me as they continue to happen. With time, I am able to care more.

They are also both similar in the sense that I wouldn’t want to root for anyone else. ISU football and sex hold a place close to my pride and deep in my heart. Isn’t that just beautiful?

Love, baby. I’m talking’ about love.

So in the meantime, don’t eat your meat loaf, keep your head way above the clouds, bite your wrists, pick your friend’s nose, sniff only Elmer’s glue, get your mojo on with the P-funk, eat poo, never believe a word Adam Gold says, keep your doors locked tight and remember one thing:

When it comes to sex, practice makes perfect, and perfect is a wife.

We’ll talk later.

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Chad Calek is senior in journalism and mass communication from Persia.