In response to the red-clad zombies who chose to write the Daily seeking sainthood for Dr. Tom, let me say this — wake up! C’mon, you could have used any of his teams to remake the “Longest Yard” — co-starring O.J.!

Mr. Forman, you say that you remember the glorious bowl games of the early ’90s? So, when you looked up to see the halftime score while playing with your legos, do you remember any scores?

Mr. Stewart, you say that Iowa has penis envy. Of what? The fact that the state capitol building in Omaha is called the Penis of the Prairie? C’mon folks! There’s nothing like traveling through “Cornsucker” country late at night and seeing one of the world’s largest phallic symbols illuminated so that it may be seen for miles around. Bring the kids!

Let’s put things in this light — I hate Nebraska almost as much as I hate the Hawks. (You can’t totally eliminate a Big 12 team from your thoughts.) And I wouldn’t piss on Tom Osborne if he were on fire!

It makes me sick watching all of you mindless bandwagon boys walk around in your Nebraska coats and hats, strutting because the team of the week won again. It doesn’t take much of a fan to cheer for a team like Nebraska, just one who likes prison league ball!

Robert Welch

Junior

History