Hi Barbie, you wanna go for a ride?” says Ken in the opening to Aqua’s “Barbie Girl.”

“Sure Ken,” Barbie says.

“Well, hop in,” Ken replies, as his car roars away.

My question is this: Since when did Ken have a car? I always thought it was Barbie with the wheels — a cute little pink corvette if I remember correctly.

Ken’s “car” is not the only inaccuracy in the song that has dramatically climbed the record charts since it was stumbled upon a few months ago.

“Barbie Girl” is full of lies, and in my opinion, Mattel toys should not be taking Aqua to court because the band makes their toy out to be a slut, but because the song gives false impressions about Ken.

Mattel does not stand a chance in their current lawsuit, I figure, based on the fact that society accepted long ago that Barbie is a slut.

But Ken — he is a hero to modern man.

He was looked down upon by his woman for years and it is about time someone stood up for him.

And in order for Ken to earn the respect he deserves, this “Barbie Girl” song needs to be booted from the airwaves and destroyed for good.

As if Ken has not already had a rough enough life, being born without a penis and all, but Aqua had to go and write a song full of Ken lies.

Cases in point:

Ken’s voice in the song makes him sound like a complete slimeball, which we all know is not true. If Ken could talk, he would sound like the All-American country-club boy he is.

And when Ken is talking, Aqua portrays him as a total player, saying things such as, “Come on Barbie, let’s go party.”

Ken would never use such a blatant pick-up line. It is Barbie who is the player and it is evident by her suggestive apparel.

You never see Ken wearing outfits that show off his curves. Mattel has yet to issue a Ken wife-beater or Ken tight jeans, and never will. Ken has class and it is evident in his khakis and sportcoats.

At the end of the song, Ken tells Barbie, “Well, Barbie, we’re just getting started.”

This makes it sound as if the story will continue somewhere else on Aqua’s record “Aquarium.” But after a painful listen, I found this not to be true.

Ken and Barbie aren’t just getting started on “Barbie Girl” — they are starting and finishing and without a true portrayal of Ken.

“Barbie Girl” has sold over 3 million copies worldwide and has launched Aqua into stardom. And all of this success is based on lies.

Yet society constantly degrades the Spice Girls and Hanson, who at least were able to become pop stars without telling lies about one of the world’s most admired men.

I did a little research on these Aqua characters in search of some kind of clue as to why they would hold such a disliking toward Ken.

It turns out Aqua has been around since 1989, when the band originally formed under the name Joyspeed.

The Danish foursome moved to Switzerland where it attempted to launch a music career. Joyspeed failed.

But the band gave it the ol’ second try, changed its name to Aqua and recorded “Aquarium.” In September of 1996 the band released “Single Roses” in Denmark, which later went on to earn the band a Grammy nomination — which it lost.

So what does this tell us about Aqua, whose lead singer Lene Nystron told MTV News last month “‘Barbie Girl’ is like one out of 11 tracks on the album, and we have a lot of other good numbers on the album?”

Can you say jealousy?

Aqua may be annoying but this band is not dumb. It knows what a one-hit-wonder is and is scared as hell about becoming the flavor of the month.

Ken, on the other hand, has had to compete with every male Barbie ever made (including Vanilla Ice) and has still never showed a sign of fear. Ken knows Barbie will always come back to him. Ken is money and he knows it.

The catch is Aqua is trying to bring him down. It’s the same thing that happened to Michael Jackson and Princess Di. The weak get jealous and they try and bring the strong down.

And it is up to us to keep this from happening. Next time you hear “Barbie Girl” on the radio, turn the dial, grab your Ken doll and don’t ever let go.

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Corey Moss is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.