Listening is the key to communication
November 13, 1997
When we are babies one of our first inclinations is making noise or trying to talk. We all learn at a very young age that making noise will get us noticed.
As infants we know crying or screaming loudly will get us attention and maybe even get us what we want.
So with all this knowledge attained at such an early age, why do we forget to use it when we get older? It is a very conceivable notion for us as young adults to utilize this skill as we get older.
In all honesty we do, it’s just that we showcase that ability to make noise and be noticed in the wrongest of wrong situations.
Think about the time you stayed up all night cramming for the Psych 101 exam and then fell asleep in your first class the next morning.
Ever wonder how the professor knew you were sleeping even though you sat all the way in the back?
I’ll give you a hint: it starts with “s,”ends with “g,” and there is a “norin” in the middle.
Then, of course, there was the time you and your significant other decided to get very intimate and do the horizontal bop. There is nothing wrong with this except for the fact that while you were doing the bedroom lambada all the people living on your floor could hear you, too, and all the dirty things you say to each other.
We all have our moments where we are just a tad bit more boisterous than we actually should be; however, the problem lies in the time, place and manner (JLMC 460 words) we decide to speak up for ourselves or to make our presence known.
Say, for example, you are in a work setting and you and a co-worker have a disagreement. It is a simple misunderstanding yet it escalates, tempers flare and pretty soon no one is listening to the each other and the end result is two people who are mad because their co-worker is not respecting them.
All this could be resolved if the two parties simply talked to each other and not at at each other. If they were to simply listen to themselves and to each other they might understand how the other is thinking and feeling.
Even our so-called “adults” have a problem in this area, so it is not simply limited to Generation X. Often at times “adults” are more immature in the areas of conversation than non-adults.
A large part of our communication problems lie in a lack of listening. The first and foremost part of communication is listening to the person you are communicating with; and they will return the favor by listening to you.
The second largest roadblock of personal communication is the way in which we talk to each other. Many of us don’t understand how to say things to someone else. We are too busy being worried about the manner of the coming response that we react to the response before we even get one.
When we do this, it forces us to have an attitude or even an air about us when we talk. We might raise our eyebrows, snarl our lips, scowl our face or even grind our teeth.
Doing this causes our fellow communicators to do the same and then we end up looking like a pack of wild, rabid dogs high on crack instead of level-headed human beings.
The most important thing to remember, however, is the way you talk to your fellow communicator. The slightest high-pitched tone or inflection in one’s voice can set a listener off in either of two directions: closer to the point you are trying to make or turning around, walking away from you.
We all have to know that no matter what point we are trying to make and no matter how passionate we are about the chosen topic, how we say something is just as important as what we have to say.
Far too many of us have problems with confrontation, not because we are scared to talk to someone on a one-on-one basis but because we lack the skills to carry on a proper conversation. Many of us even tend to write the way we talk.
If we choose to involve ourselves in discussions and we want to keep these discussions as mature, adult and proper as possible, everyone should remember the other golden rule: “speak the way you wish to be spoken to,” and everything should be just fine.
I hope.
Until next time … I’ll holla at ya.
Rhaason Mitchell is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Chicago. He is managing editor of the Daily.