A friend of mine was at a high school dance last year when he witnessed the ultimate dork DJ.

During the middle of the dance, the DJ got on the microphone and asked the crowd how they got there.

“Did you take a car?” he asked. “Did you take a bus? Did you take a plane? Did you take the train?”

He then proceeded to play the ever-so-popular “Come On Ride The Train.”

This story is not all that unusual. Dork DJs are everywhere. But what people don’t realize is that there are 10 times more dork dancers than dork DJs.

So many, in fact, that they must be categorized into different groups in order to be explained.

The ultimate dork dancers are what I call the Gearheads. These are the people who walk up right next to the DJ booth, examine it as if it where a Corvette and proceed to ask the DJ questions such as “How many watts you pushin’?” or “What kinda amp you usin’?”

Gearheads don’t do a lot of dancing, mostly observing.

The Groupies are every DJ’s favorite dork dancers and are often times not that dorky at all. Groupies stand in front and enjoy every song the DJ plays.

Groupies start to get dorky when they have choreographed dances for every song. Usually groupies are women and are ex-cheerleaders.

Dork dancers also include the People Who Watch Too Much TV. These are the people who pretend they are laying on hospital beds when “Tainted Love” is played or driving in little Volkswagens when “Da Da Da” is played.

Their favorite song is the “Grease” medley and they know the exact dance move to go along with each part of the song.

Another group of dork dancers are the Booty Bodies. These people, mostly women, tend to be good dancers, but focus solely on moving their booties.

They are born with extra muscles that allow them to move their buttocks right, left, up, down and even out and in.

Booty Bodies love to be on another level, whether it be the catwalk, a stage or a chair in the corner.

Every dance party has at least one Bitter Outcast. The Bitter Outcasts are the country fans at a hip-hop party or the Korn fans at a sock-hop.

Bitter Outcasts hate the DJ and often threaten him with his life. Bitter Outcasts are bad, bad people who need to either lighten up or make like a tree and get out.

One must not forget the Wife Beaters. These are usually the jock-types who wear jeans and a tight white tank-top (a.k.a. wife beater).

Wife Beaters find a way to mosh to any song, be it Beastie Boys or Boys II Men. They find no joy in dancing in less it involves hurting someone.

Anyone who has attended a house party in a small town can appreciate the Locals. Usually Locals are dirty old men who sit at the bar drinking Old Milwaukee for four hours until everyone at the party is good and wasted.

Locals make their way to the DJ booth, request some Kiss or George Thorougood and hit the dance floor like they’re Don Juan.

Locals see good looking college women once a year and when they do, they are like eager mothers at a Beenie Baby sale.

Almost every dance has its share of Circle Jerks. They are the ones who have to break into a circle during every song and watch as it remains empty and the people around it try and push each other in.

Circle Jerks are usually saved by the Kimbles (named after a friend of mine from high school). Kimbles will jump into a circle at a funeral reception and get people cheering.

Kimbles are the people who watch “The Grind” like game film. They know they are gifted and it is their duty to revive a dead dance.

The important thing to remember is there is nothing wrong with being a dorky dancer or a dorky DJ.

Dances are supposed to be a chance to let loose, even if that means pretending you are a member of V.I.P.

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Corey Moss is a junior in journalism and mass communication.