Well, here we are again.

Thank you to everyone who commented on my last column. Unlike some of the leaders of this university, I love listening to comments and complaints from students.

So there I was last week, sludging through another dull week of my existence, contemplating a hunger strike, then realizing I barely eat healthy enough as it is and a hunger strike would probably kill me in a matter of hours.

I began the week by typing a few papers. That was followed by some reading, and then I decided it was time to relax.

My roommates and I decided it would be good if we rented a movie (God, my life is boring.).

We called a few friends and decided all of our lives are pretty boring, so why not be boring together?

All of this is pretty routine. No big deal yet, I stress — yet.

The next big project was to get to the video store. This was decided by a series of “I’m not driving.”

“Yes, you are.”

“I don’t have any gas.”

“Either do I.”

“My keys are in my room.”

“Your car is bigger.”

“I’ve got shit in the back.”

This went on for a good twenty minutes until it finally came down to the way I’m sure all major decisions are made: rock, paper, scissors.

Yes, the game that decided who was captain of the third-grade kickball team still proves to be a major force in the world of problems and solutions.

I’m pretty sure most big-world decisions are made by this childhood game.

Can’t you just see our fair President Jischke in his office with a bunch of pals?

Jischke: “I think Veishea should be dry.”

Pal 1: “I think we should cancel the whole thing.”

Pal 2: “I think we are being insane about this whole thing.”

Jischke: “Rock, paper, scissors — best two out of three. Ready? One, two, three.”

And so it was decreed.

Now I’m not sure, but it is possible Jischke is one of those guys who always throws late to ensure the win. Or maybe he pulls one of the other playground problem solving tactics — if he doesn’t get his way, he picks up his ball and goes home.

OK. I’m sorry. I might have overstepped my bounds, but this is all in fun. Right?

Anyway, back to the original story. We finally make it to the video store.

Now, I am convinced once you go through the doors of a video place, all of your brain cells are incinerated by that magnetic alarm thing guarding the door.

You walk in with the intention of picking out a film and going home to watch it, but it’s not that easy.

I began in the new release section and started walking and walking and walking. Soon, I had made a lap of the entire store and still had no idea what was going on.

I began to get hot flashes as titles of movies raced by. Box after box of “Ransom” and “Scream” clouded my vision and I became dizzy.

I just want a movie and get the hell out of here!

I have come to the conclusion you should never take more than two people to go and rent a film.

And if you take members of the opposite sex, you’re altogether screwed.

I mean, the more people you take, the more of this kind of crap you get:

Guy 1: “Have you seen this?”

Girl 1: “No, have you?”

Guy 1: “Yeah, but it wasn’t that good.”

Girl 1: “How about this?”

Guy 1: “I don’t care, whatever you want.”

Guy 2: “Don’t get that movie — it sucks.”

Girl 2: “But I haven’t seen it yet.”

And this endless circle of bedlam wraps itself around the group until there is not one possible movie left in the store all of you agree on.

Eventually, the entire mood that was supposed to be created is ruined because of the constant bickering among the prospective movie watchers.

In the end, either the males or the females of the group decide the decision is best left to the members of the opposite gender, and if it’s left to the guys, there is a very good chance it could come down to:

Yep. Rock, paper, scissors.

I have no idea what women do to decide moral dilemmas, and I don’t think I want to know.

So we ended up watching this horrible film I don’t even remember because I was starving from the hunger strike I began because we didn’t get the movie I wanted.

See you later.

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J.R. Grant is a senior in public relations from Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio.