I guess it was almost a year ago when I wrote this column about eye contact on this campus. I had so many people come up to me after that and tell me how much they loved the column.

Well, I’m a master at selling out and, more importantly, dragging every ounce of humor and satire out of anything. Let’s just say I like to beat the dead horse.

If you didn’t read the first one, that’s too bad, because it was pretty funny and you missed out. If you did, here are some more things to think about.

I have become intrigued by the way we all walk and talk on this campus. I’m sure Iowa State is no different than any other school, except perhaps in our football program, and that is probably a problem on campuses all around the world.

Here is the scenario:

You are walking down the sidewalk, wishing you were at home watching TV or sleeping, but you’re feeling pretty proud of yourself because at least you made it to campus today.

Anyway, you are walking along, minding your own business, and you see someone you know in the distance. Now you may know this person really well, or you may have met this person the other night at the coffee shop, the bar or wherever it is you hang out and meet people. In any case, the conversation is always about the same.

So as this “friend” gets closer, the two of you establish eye contact, and now comes that awkward time when both parties feel they need to say something.

Next comes the most vague, unemotional, unrevealing, pointless conversation of the day.

This exchange of language is so ridiculous, it probably should never have happened in the first place. Yet after every class, everyone is out there saying the same things.

The sick thing is both of you know the required responses by both parties, and are more than likely a few brain cells to the negative because of this conversation.

Here it goes:

You: “Hey.”

Person: “Hey, how are you.”

You: “Fine.”

And that is it. Two somewhat educated college students are reduced to six words and the whole point of the conversation in the end was “fine.”

I’m fairly certain that between classes, “fine” is the word uttered most often.

But what does the word say? It says nothing! Bottom line: we are all morons.

ISU’s claim to fame is science and technology, but its students are wandering around like Neanderthals lacking most communication skills.

I mean, you could be having the worst day of your life, and to top it off, the horoscope lady said your day is a two, but you still say “fine.”

This is repulsive.

Tell that person exactly what is going on. Say something like this:

Person: “How are you?”

You: “Well, I just failed another midterm, and my roommate is driving me crazy. I don’t want to go to work today because my boss sucks. And I can’t quite figure out how to tell my parents about this new tattoo I got last weekend and they are coming up on Friday.”

Some of you out there are saying, “Well, J.R., I don’t have time to hold a conversation with every person I know. I would never make it to class.”

To that I say, “Bull.”

I don’t know anyone who wants to get to class early just to sit there in a steamy, hot classroom and reread the paper for the tenth time.

Let’s face it, it isn’t even great the first time you read it. If you want to get to class early and draw on your pretty little notebook like you did in high school, then feel free.

If I were you, I would save the drawing for when lecture gets a little too boring and it is the only thing you can do to stay awake.

I’m not asking you to debate quantum physics or Supreme Court rulings, but just to emit something a little more real life than “fine.” I’m just looking for some signs of intelligence.

Of course, there are some extenuating circumstances, like being late for a test. But I would say on average, there is more than enough time to stop and chat.

See you around.

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J.R. Grant is a senior in public relations from Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio.