Once in awhile, a movie comes along that is such a mess I wonder if anyone actually watched it before it was released. “A Life Less Ordinary” is that kind of movie.

Let’s get the plot discussion out of the way first. Well, let’s get out of the way what passes for a plot.

It seems God is upset about the rising divorce rate and sends two angels (Holly Hunter and Delroy Lindo) to Earth to do a little matchmaking.

They try to get together spoiled rich girl Celine (Cameron Diaz) and loser ex-janitor Robert (Ewan McGregor).

Robert kidnaps Celine and hilarity absolutely fails to follow.

I have one quick question about Holly Hunter: what the hell is she doing in this movie? She gives a terrible performance. Her voice is so annoying, sounding kind of like a breathy Betty Boop after she sucked too much helium.

One of the reasons I went to see “A Life Less Ordinary” was McGregor. I’d never seen him in anything before and was quite curious. He has, after all, signed on to be the young Obi Wan Kenobi in the new “Star Wars” trilogy.

His performance as a janitor-replaced-by-a-robot-turned-kidnapper is one of the few good things in the movie. One of two good things to be exact.

The other good thing would be the other lead, Cameron Diaz. Although her one-note performance as a spoiled rich girl got a little old after a bit, the banter between her and McGregor provided some good laughs.

She also gets mentioned as a good thing because she is, after all, Cameron Diaz — the cutest woman in the world.

None of the characters are more than just surface characterizations. The loser, the rich girl, the rich father, the insane dentist, etc.

Each has to have their own little quirk, of course. Celine likes to shoot apples off of people’s heads; Robert writes trash novels. But quirks don’t make a character.

The movie starts out OK. Things for the most part make sense and there are plenty of laughs. Unfortunately, it soon falls apart completely and becomes a ridiculous and incomprehensible mess. Your brain will hurt trying to make sense of what is going on.

There were so many questions without logical answers in this movie. Like why were the angels trying to kill Robert when they were supposed to be getting him and Celine together?

Why are there so many people in the bank when the parking lot was empty? What the heck was up with that dance number? Why am I still sitting here watching this?

The love-conquers-all theme (at least I think that was the point — I could be wrong) is lost here. I didn’t buy at all the premise that a sensitive dreamer like Robert would fall for the shallow and spoiled Celine. Even if she is, after all, Cameron Diaz.

Overall, the problem is the script. The writing seems more like something that would come out of a introductory course like Screen Writing 101.

The worst part of “A Life Less Ordinary” is the way it absolutely wastes the talents of its actors. It takes bright talent and squanders it in a horrible mess.

1 star out of five.

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Mike Milik is a senior in advertising from West Des Moines.