Two weeks after University of Iowa professor Deirdre McCloskey spoke at Iowa State about her transformation from a male to a female, Sean Denison discussed his on-going transformation from a female to a male.

Denison, who graduated from ISU in 1996, spoke at the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Ally Alliance meeting Wednesday night in the Cardinal Room of the Memorial Union.

Denison spoke to an audience of nearly 40 people on his struggle to live the first part of his life as a female and the need to be “himself” biologically as well as emotionally for the second half of his life.

During the first half of Denison’s presentation, he showed a documentary titled, “You Don’t Know Dick: The Courageous Hearts of Transsexual Men.”

The 1997 Northern Lights production detailed the struggles of several female-to-male transsexuals, touching upon such topics as the “lie” they felt they were living. One of the men said, “I realized I didn’t feel like a woman, and I didn’t even know what a woman should feel like.”

After the clips of the movie, Denison said he had the difficult task of explaining to his then 5-year-old son, that “Mommy wants to be a boy now.”

Denison said his son went through a period of “I hate you, you hate me and if you do this, everything will be broken.”

After the initial negative feedback from his son and his mother, Denison said he began to repress his feelings.

“I didn’t want to feel this much pain, and I didn’t want to cause this much pain,” he said.

Denison said he continued for about four months before realizing he could not go on as a woman.

“I realized the ‘grand announcement’ theory with my son didn’t work well,” Denison.

He said he decided to take small steps with his son, realizing he had not fully explained the process of transformation. Denison started taking testosterone shots, explaining to his son he was now taking the “boy medicine.”

Denison said, ironically, his son was going through a “caterpillar-to-butterfly” unit in kindergarten and finally understood what was going to happen to his mother.

“Kids are smart, and kids are resilient,” Denison said.

With Denison already wearing men’s clothing, he informed his son he would have to choose whether to call him “Daddy” or “Sean.”

His son told Denison he would call him “Daddy, because if I don’t, people won’t know you’re mine,” he said.

Denison said his son’s biological father chose to leave their lives when his son was still a baby and does not know about Denison’s decision.

Like several of the parents in the film, Denison said his parents had a difficult time accepting his choice.

He still has not told his father, he said, and despite his mother’s humorous comments about now knowing why Denison never liked the color pink, she has chosen to isolate herself from her son.

Denison also discussed his early feminism and some interesting comments he recently has received from women regarding his transformation.

“Especially, one of the first things feminists ask is ‘Have you gone over to the enemy?'” Denison said. “What I reply is, ‘Men were never the enemy. The system that divides us up into boy and girl and says one is more important than the other is the enemy.'”

Denison has taken hormones for the past four months, which means he is at the beginning of his transition. He has to take hormone injections every five days.

He said operations, depending on how much the patient is willing to spend, can cost anywhere from $7,500 for a double mastectomy, to $150,000 for surgery.

Denison also addressed the issue of transgender rights. He said only 10 cities in the United States, including Iowa City, offer legal protection for transgenders. He said some states make it almost impossible for transgenders to change the name on their birth certificates.

Denison said even some gays and lesbians are often “scared of adding the ‘T'” for transgender to their communities or organizations because their battle to gain acceptance in society’s eyes is difficult enough.

Denison said although he is involved in a relationship with another female-to-male transsexual, he refuses to categorize who he loves. Denison said human sexuality is a “fluid thing.”

Nearly 75 percent of transsexuals end up as “straight-identified,” Denison said.

He said he has noticed getting “special privileges I didn’t ask for” now that he is identified as a man.

“I’ve also noticed the ‘quickening footsteps’ when I walk behind a woman late at night,” Denison said.