My mom always told me the best Halloween costumes don’t come from the store but from a creative mind.

In fifth grade, my elementary school was having a costume party, and I decided to act on this advice.

While my classmates were busy buying Freddy Krueger masks, I was combing my house in search for what would be the mother of all costumes.

In the midst of my dad’s pink Don Johnson sport coat and my mom’s black lace Madonna gloves, I stumbled across the ugliest ballerina costume I have ever seen.

It was white with giant green four-leaf clovers scattered on it and had green sequin straps.

Perfect.

I must admit, it looked pretty good on me, except for the fact it covered very little of my legs, which seemed a bit too hairy for a ballerina dancer.

My mom suggested I wear pantyhose, and I figured that would be a pretty good idea. The only problem was, the costume party was in the afternoon and I was not about to strip down to nothing and put on a pair of pantyhose in the boys’ bathroom.

So I decided to put on the pantyhose before school that day and wear them under my jeans.

Big mistake.

Never in my life have I been so hot and uncomfortable in a classroom.

And when the costume party came around, the day got even worse. My classmates made fun of me, my teachers made fun of me, other kids’ parents made fun of me, even my own parents made fun of me.

I was the laughingstock of the school. My girlfriend never talked to me again, and for a month I was called “ballerina boy” by every kid I ever went up against in tetherball.

Thanks for the advice, Mom.

Actually, I learned a few years later that she was right — creativity does make for better costumes than money, as long as you avoid a few bad costume ideas.

So in honor of Halloween this week, I decided I would share ten really bad homemade costume ideas and give a brief explanation of why they make for bad costumes.

No. 1. A ballerina girl. For women — fine. But men, trust me on this one. It may seem like a funny idea at the time, but there is really nothing funny about men in spandex. Lipstick is another bad idea that may seem funny at first.

No. 2. The Hanson brothers. I am predicting the Hansons to be popular costumes this year with the recent success of the young singing trio.

The advantage is both men and women can go as a Hanson. The disadvantage is you won’t make it a block without getting severely beaten.

No. 3. A Christmas tree. Christmas lights can create a spectacle, but Iowa weather is unpredictable and rain would put quite a damper on trick-or-treating. Getting electrocuted is not going to get you that Snickers bar (the big one, not the small one).

No. 4. Princess Diana. Can you say tasteless? Not to mention, who would want the paparazzi following them around all night?

No. 5. A goal post. I know painting yourself yellow and walking around all night with your hands in the air is tempting, but I highly suggest avoiding the goal post idea.

Case in point: Hundreds of drunk college students tackling you, picking you up, carrying you to Lake LaVerne and throwing you in.

No. 6. The “Scream” guy. Do you like scary movies? Um … yeah, can you say unoriginal? If you want to be a scary-movie guy, go as Keanu Reeves. I cringed more in “Feeling Minnesota” than I did in “Scream,” anyway.

No. 7. The Spice Girls. See No. 2.

I can hear it now: “If you wanna piece of candy, you gotta get with my friend.” Where can you find shoes with soles that thick anyway?

No. 8. A toilet. The shower has been a popular costume since “The Karate Kid,” but what bathroom structure is next?

A toilet would be kind of fun because every toilet has a different look, but come on, it’s a toilet.

No. 9. Bill Clinton. Although our country’s president has been known to ask random people for funding, I don’t think this tactic would work with candy.

If you want to go as a Clinton, go as Chelsea. That way you will stand some chance of not getting severely beaten (well, maybe not).

No. 10. Martin Jischke. I sense a little bit of hostility between Martin and the students at Iowa State, and it may not be a good idea showing up at a kegger as him.

And, well, no one can do that friendly, half-crooked smile that Martin can.

One last piece of advice on Halloween: Never eat the apple (even if it’s from the nice old lady down the street).

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Corey Moss is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.