Lord knows I like to shoot guns. Good opener, eh?

I know I am probably going to get a few parking tickets for this, but I don’t think DPS officers should have guns. There, I said it. Please don’t hurt me.

Giving everybody guns to protect themselves is simple-minded and leads to excessive gun battles and death, exciting it they may be for the abstract observer.

Like me, a lot of people really like to shoot guns, and when it comes to recreation, I have no problem with blasting a few tin cans or chipmunks, the hunting instinct and all that. But when it comes to people, I am cautious.

I know I am no policeman, and I have not had a great deal of experience on either side of the law. Just that time a couple of years ago when I was arrested for playing live music at bone-splintering volume during a Halloween party in a residential neighborhood.

I was tanked and sporting a couple of hand-held laser blasters with 8 different sound effects (I went as Braunbrothra, Alien Warlord that year), but I didn’t think I ought to try to atomize the nice policewoman who wrote me up. She was already annoyed at my drunken friend who kept yelling, “What’d he do! What’d he do?” and getting in her face. But I’m drifting off the subject.

I have thought about this quite a bit lately. All I can do is try to put myself in the position of being a law enforcement officer encountering a crook with a gun.

Scenario #1: I meet crook and I have gun.

“You there, crook! Drop the gun or I’ll shoot!”

“Die, copper!”

Massive gunplay, blood spattering everywhere. Potential innocent bystanders shot.

Scenario #2: I meet crook and I don’t have gun.

“You there, crook! Drop the gun and let’s talk about this.”

“No way, you weaponless fool. Now back off!” He waves gun, unthreatened by my firearm nakedness.

I back off, begging for my life. The crook runs off with the loot, only to be apprehended trying to seduce the same babe-like officer who terminated my Halloween party (see, that was more relevant than it seemed at the time).

“Hey, baby. I just took off with some loot and them pigs couldn’t stop me.”

“On what planet is that a pick-up line, buster? To the clink with you!”

I am really shaken up by the encounter in the second scenario, but my pride is the only thing wounded.

I live and so do the innocent bystanders, who congratulate me on my assertive tone.

Or I could be wrong.