I was in my room when I heard it. It started as a low rumble, but it grew in volume until I could swear they were right outside my door.

Hundreds of victory-pumped, alcohol-soaked ISU’ers, demonstrating the razor-sharp intellects that make lowa State the envy of midwestern engineering colleges, rooted as they proudly carried aloft on their shoulders the Jack Trice Stadium goal posts. Then about three fourths of them threw up.

Minutes later, my roommate burst through the door, bathed in sweat and announced the victory: they had managed to sink the goal posts, as well as several traffic signs, a dumpster, two game officials and most of Helser Hall to the bottom of Lake LaVerne.

He also mentioned something about the football team winning the Homecoming game.

Now I consider myself a tolerant person, but this kind of thing really ticks me off. I practically screamed at my roommate, “I missed it! How could you have let me stay home?!” I have been waiting for the chance to tear down some goal posts since I was a wee tot.

The football team’s record, however, didn’t really hint we might win anytime before the next World War, so I tucked my school spirit safely in the overhead compartment and did my English assignment during the Homecoming game.

I wasn’t just mad I missed the rare opportunity to engage in police-sponsored illegal activities (I heard they had a police escort up Lincoln Way), or even more exceptional, the opportunity to watch ISU win a football game. I missed the chance to see a few hundred Cyclones get together for what’s supposed to be a fun, productive activity and not tear out each others’ bowels with gardening tools.

It seems all this campus can do lately, at least in the newspaper, is complain about this campus. “Homosexuality is wrong.” “Stating that homosexuality is wrong is wrong.” “You are wrong to state that stating that homosexuality is wrong is wrong is wrong …” Wait a minute, I lost my place — how many wrongs does it take to make a right, again?

I didn’t expect to come to a university with an enrollment of 25,000 plus and not see some political strife. After all, I come from a high school enriched with many different political and religious inclinations and viewpoints (these viewpoints were, specifically, the Roman Catholic Jesuit view, held by most of the faculty and students, and Presbyterian Democrat, which we got from one of the custodians.)

The other reason I expected to witness some arguing on campus is I have spent more time in my life watching the movies “PCU” and “Higher Learning” than I have spent sleeping.

The pages of the lowa State Daily give me the impression that the idea of intellectual debate has gone beyond the realm of friendly discussion and closer to the realm of bloody, vicious medieval-style crusade.

Serious arguments are expected and acceptable — that’s what you get when you throw together a bunch of intelligent, educated, fiery young minds with vast resources on campus and a lot of time on their hands.

The attacks get personal, though, and that frightens me. I’ve seen some really brilliant arguments shoot themselves in the ass by means of a single unnecessary sarcastic comment (or by a single unnecessary obscenity — oops).

Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed, because I know you have. I’ve seen you sitting there, noticing it like that.

I’m simply saying this: we have four years at this university to learn, change and grow. That’s what we’re here for — to grow and to get really tanked and dump traffic signs in a lake. We’re not here to change the world or to change the views of anyone besides ourselves. Don’t kid yourselves; an article in the lowa State Daily is not going to have any major impact on the world.

It probably won’t have any impact on anyone on campus except to make them angry.

If you take yourself too seriously for too long, it will be your downfall. I don’t expect anyone to take this article seriously. Good God, I hope no one does.

I only wrote it to vent and encourage everyone to have a little more fun; also, I always wanted to see the words “tear out each others’ bowels with gardening tools” in print. So if anyone is still reading (Hey you! I see you. Get back here and finish reading), I would like to call to mind the monumental words of John Lennon, “I am the Egg-Man, and they are the Egg-Men, and I am the Walrus.”

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David Doty

Freshman

Pre-mechanical engineering