I’m back. Yes, that’s right, the Ohio Guy is back for another semester of poking fun at the daily nuances of college existence.

Some things will be different this time around.

First off, as you have figured out, I’m on a different page. So, if you enjoyed reading my column in the past tell your friends to look me up on the opinion page because that is where I will be.

Next is that this column is only biweekly, so I have got to say enough crap to cover two weeks of junk.

Anyway, let’s get moving.

I would like to thank all the people who kept asking me if I was going to write this column again.

Some of you were willing to begin widespread crusades and were almost violent when I said I might not write the column, but here I am.

I didn’t realize there were that many fans of the column, but thank you and keep reading.

As usual, I have been given a bunch of parameters between which I must write.

They are a little looser than those on that other page that I used to write for, but still there are some.

And will I follow those?

If you know me or know the column, then you know the answer.

To start things off, I know that people like to read the opinion page and find some reason to get upset at some kind of half-assed, political-type statement.

Let it be known that I will never be making any type of profound social commentary.

Life, to me, is far too short to waste time on unwinable arguments. I like to have fun.

So, my warning for this column (everything needs a warning these days, i.e. coffee is hot, cigarettes are bad, alcohol makes you drunk, etc.) is: “This column may cause you to laugh from time to time. If you are a person who does not enjoy having fun and laughing, then I encourage you to stop reading.”

Now that the legalities are out of the way, let us begin.

As we begin another semester, there is no end of garbage to talk about.

For starters, I couldn’t believe how hot it was at the football game this past weekend.

It was one of those “hots” that makes you feel like you’ve just spent the entire day in the McDonald’s grease fryer.

On top of that, I kept running into stingingly drunk people who had no qualms about taking an involuntary nap in the sun.

You can see these people in your classes.

They’re the ones with their entire faces burned except for the little sunglasses mark which makes them look like retarded raccoons.

I felt much better when I left the game and retired to a shaded tailgate complete with a television, a sound system and plenty of cold drinks.

This whole idea of Labor Day is confusing to me. Not the actual holiday — because the last thing I need is another excuse to party — but the fact that the town clears out again.

This idea kills me.

Outside of the few of us that stuck it out here this summer and are looking for an escape, I see no real reason to leave except for the obligatory wedding or special event type things.

I mean, seriously, you’ve only been in class one week, things cannot be that bad yet.

There is no stress after the first week. If anyone out there gets stressed out to the point of snapping from picking up the class syllabus and buying books — just wait.

I can’t imagine there are piles of laundry that need to be dragged home and thrown at poor mommy’s feet quite yet.

If there are, I think you need a lesson in recycling clothes.

But that is another column for another time.

Labor Day should be a time to fire up the grill and ice down the cooler with a few friends and celebrate the fact that the weather isn’t going to be this nice for too much longer. Classes aren’t going to get any easier and no matter what those scientists call all those rocks on Mars, they are still just rocks, so forget about it.

Only Americans can come up with a day to celebrate working by not working, so relish that.

If home is more fun than college, you need to take me home with you sometime. I’m always up for a road trip and I can always find a ride to somewhere — even if I have to resort to hitchhiking.

It’s good to be back and I will see you in a couple weeks or wandering around somewhere looking for something I will never find.

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J.R. Grant is a senior in public relations from Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio.