“Ring the Bell” is a chance for readers of the Daily to ask the advice of one of their peers.

David Bell is not a doctor or a therapist. He is just a student ready to give his opinion. So, take it with a grain of salt or don’t take it at all. It’s your life.

Dear Dave,

Classes have been in session for two weeks and already it seems like forever.

I knew there would be some adjustments to make and having a stranger as a roommate would be an experience, but my roommate is unbearable.

I hate him and I don’t know how much longer I can take this.

He’s a slob, and that is putting it mildly. I don’t mind his borrowing of my things, but he never puts anything away or shows any type of respect for anything.

The worst part of it all is his girlfriend is spending the night all the time.

Why should I have to lay in bed and suffer while they are enjoying themselves? What should I do?

Unhappily,

Ready to Commit Murder

Dear Ready to Commit Murder,

Let me first say homicide is not the answer.

That story about getting a 4.0 GPA if your roommate dies is a vicious rumor. So don’t do it.

Seriously though, living with someone is a true test of one’s social skills.

Everyone must learn how to interact with others in close quarters — it is part of life. And as we all know, dorm life is about as close of quarters as it gets.

Your situation does sound extreme, but there are always two sides to every story.

There are two ways to handle this situation — the civilized way and the not-so-civilized way. We will start with the not-so-civilized way first.

The next time he and his girlfriend are getting friendly in your presence, get out of bed, turn the lights on and offer them something to eat.

Be overly polite, and tell them you just really felt like some Crunch and Munch and ask if they would like some.

Sit on your couch or chair and munch loudly, maybe while watching TV or listening to the radio. But remember to act overly happy.

If all else fails, I’ve always been told that the quickest way to get rid of a roommate is to be sitting on your couch buck naked watching ESPN when he gets home from class.

If he doesn’t leave after that, then maybe you should.

Then there is the nice way, which is probably preferred. My advice to you is simple.

Talk to your roommate. You need to express what bothers you and find out what bothers him. This is the most important thing you will do as a roommate.

Once you find out what type of person each of you is, then the door to friendship will open up.

I can tell you from experience that there are very few situations worse than living with someone you hate. Work it out.

Dear Dave,

I have known this girl for a while now and we have become great friends.

The first time we met there was an immediate attraction.

The problem is she has a boyfriend. The boyfriend is not around, mind you, but they are giving a long-distance relationship the good old college try.

Because we have gotten so close, I have now become the designated shoulder to cry on when things go wrong, and the first person to hear the great news that he is coming to town for the weekend.

I find myself hoping for a breakup, but at the same time I hate to see her unhappy.

This is killing me. The more time I spend with her, the more I want us to be together.

I’m beginning to think this is interfering with my being a good friend.

Help me please!

Sincerely,

A Friend in Need

Dear Friend in Need,

Everyone has been in your situation, so don’t feel alone.

You have to make a decision and soon.

Do you want to be her friend or do you want to be more?

Judging from your letter and the fact that you are a guy, I think I know the answer.

So now you want to know how to break up this girl and her boyfriend.

In my experience, forced breakups are never beneficial for the person who causes the breakup.

At any rate, there is one main reason for a couple to break up: one person thinks that he or she would be happier with someone else or just without the person he or she is with.

So your task now becomes to make her think the grass is greener on your side of the fence and convince her to come take a roll in it with you, or make her think her boyfriend has found someone else.

The first is definitely preferable, but whatever works.

There is, of course, the sensitive way of handling your problem; that is, just let nature take its course and be a good friend. You might want to let her know how you feel. I know it is hard but it might help illuminate her to the possibilities outside her present relationship.

Whatever you decide, remember there are many other girls around.

Don’t be so quick to devote your life to one you just met, especially one who is devoted to someone else.

Dear Dave,

Everyone says the years you spend in college are the best years of your life.

Well, I am finishing my second week of my first year and not having any fun at all.

I am working 20 hours a week, carrying 18 credits and have no time for a social life. I stay up until the morning hours doing homework.

All my friends from high school joined sororities and are meeting guys and making friends. Meanwhile, I am lucky to have enough spare time on the weekend to watch “Love Line” on MTV.

I know some people would say quit your job, but I have to work in order to make car payments and pay partial tuition.

I feel like I’m watching everyone else have the time of their lives while my great years slip away. I don’t know what to do.

Thanks,

Frustrated and Tired

Dear Frustrated,

You are not the first to have a time shortage. This is part of the real-life training that is the college experience.

However, there are many other experiences that you should have while spending your time as a college student.

If at all possible, I would suggest you take only 15 credits or cut back on your work hours — not just to party, but to avoid burnout.

Four years is a long time and you need to pace yourself. It is important to enjoy your time here as a student. That means different things to different people, so do what makes you happy.

The point is, have some fun and make some friends and memories. You will thank yourself later.

---

David Bell welcomes any and all letters asking for his advice. Please send questions to the Iowa State Daily, “Ring the Bell,” 108 Hamilton Hall, or email them to Dave at [email protected].