When I was little, my parents and a boy named Tommy taught me that biting hurts others, and it hurts me.

I once used biting as a defense tactic and once used it as a way to express my discontent toward my neighbor friend. In doing so, I unknowingly invited my mom to lightly bite my arm. I said “ouch” even though I knew the gentle bite was nothing close to the energy I had unleashed on my friend. And, of course, when my mom asked me if I liked being bit, I said no.

Another incident reinforced the hurt idea. At a picnic with my family, the son of someone we knew locked his jaw on my arm. I cried. My dad went ballistic because Tommy’s parents did nothing to discourage his vampire tendencies.

The above incidents taught me that biting is painful and not allowed in my world, which at that time was the city block of 1307 E. Lombard.

There are two men in sports who have had different exposure to the whole biting thing — Marv Albert and Mike Tyson.

Either Mike was taught the lesson and forgot it, or he never learned it at all. For Marv, I think it was neither of those things. You see, when Marv’s mom bit his arm, he reacted differently than most kids do. When Marv’s mom asked him if he liked it when other people (of the opposite sex) bit him, his mind was saying yes and his mouth properly answered no. And perhaps because he secretly liked it, he assumed others did, too.

Scenario 1: The public attack

“Always-making-trouble Mike” bit opponent Evander Holyfield in a boxing match this summer. Down in points, Mike didn’t know what to do. Which is the tougher way to go down? I mean, you can stick it out and give it your all and finish second out of two, or you can do something stupid just so you can say you didn’t lose. Hmmm.

We all know which decision Mike made. After receiving a warning from the ref for nibbling on Holyfield’s ear, Mike took a second helping and bit half the guy’s ear off.

To me, Tyson did this in poor taste (the ear was probably waxy and sweaty), and I think he is a jerk for opting for disqualification over accepting the loss. Boo to you, M.T. (Mighty Tasty).

Scenario 2: The bedroom bite

NBC play-by-play commentator Marv Albert is currently receiving oodles of media coverage. Earlier this summer, he was accused of leaving bite marks on a woman’s back and forcing her to perform oral sex on him in a hotel room. He then publicly denied these accusations. Attention Marv: Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

The woman who is pressing criminal charges against Marv had tests done after the incident at a hospital. The nurse said she had between 18 and 20 bite marks on her back. Swabs taken from her lip, chest and underwear have linked Marv to the bites.

Marv, the forensic expert said chances that it was not you is one in 2.6 million. You may deny your semen, but your semen will not deny you.

For Marv, the lights got dimmer when surprise witness Patricia Masden, employee of Hyatt Hotels, took the stand. She said she, too, witnessed Marv’s vampire-like behavior and recounted two instances when Marv took his teeth to her neck.

If you did not learn that biting is wrong when you were a tyke, learn it now from the stories of Marv and Mike. The world of sports does not have a place for people who bite. And neither do we folks at the Daily sports desk.

Amanda Fier is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Davenport.