Only five weeks into the semester, and I am already way behind in everything.

“To defer or postpone,” is the definition of my favorite activity — according to Webster’s Dictionary.

The art of procrastination: yep, I’ve got it mastered.

If you don’t learn anything else while you are going to college, you certainly will learn how to waste all your time away until you are forced to stay up all night putting the finishing touches on that research paper or cramming for that big test.

Procrastination is a skill that many of us mastered while still in high school, but the unfortunate few who didn’t are probably well on their way as the midterm mark approaches.

For those of you who are procrastination-impaired, here is a crash course just for you.

Reading. To the average observer, this might seem like a productive way to spend time, and it would be if I actually cracked a textbook.

It is just that everything else around is so much more appealing. Grab a couple tabloids and catch up on Kathie Lee’s love life or where Elvis is currently living.

If the campus phone book is the only non-textbook within reach, go for it. It is amazing how much you can learn about your fellow students when you let you fingers do the walking.

If in a weak attempt to be a diligent student, you head off to the library, there are still lots of ways to avoid that ever-present load of homework.

Just find your hometown newspaper, look over those handy-dandy signs that remind you to keep an eye on your backpack or search through the personal ads — the ones left on desktops by those creative singles — for the perfect Friday night date.

Still trying to look studious?

Try surfing the web. You can look up something useful for an assignment.

After you are all finished with the class-related searching, investigate a Web site or two.

If you visit the GAP site, you can choose the clothes to dress their cyber paper dolls. The Martha Stewart web page is a personal favorite of mine. Hey, where else can you find the recipe for the “cookie of the week,” or find out about the latest “good thing?”

The “Jeopardy” web page lets you see how much useful trivia you have stored away in the dark recesses of your mind.

Go ahead and check your email; you know you want to.

You can just never know when you might get a message with Earth-shattering news, like the fact your 8 a.m. class is cancelled.

Just think, if you hadn’t logged in, you wouldn’t get to sleep in that extra hour.

While you are at it, go ahead and write everyone who made your address book. It is a great way to catch up with those friends at other schools, and it gives you a few more minutes to escape from that ever-growing list of things due tomorrow.

Remember your parents have yet to jump on the information superhighway and that you haven’t talked to them for awhile.

Shouldn’t you take a few minutes to call and catch up with your family? Just pick up the phone and dial away.

Calling collect is always a good option for those of us who are desperately trying to save quarters for laundry.

It also gives you a chance to tell mom how much you miss her cooking and whine about it until she agrees to overnight that care package to you.

Before you replace the receiver, dial up a pizza. Arguing with your roommate about what will go on it will take up a few more precious minutes. By the time you graduate, you will have spent whole days pondering which pizza is the best (and the cheapest) in Ames.

Now, maybe it is time to actually open your backpack and start in on that homework.

The real key to successful procrastination is knowing when you have to go back and face the music.

Getting grades worthy of a place on the fridge door brings even more personal satisfaction than just knowing you have truly mastered the art of putting it off.

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Laura Luiken is a sophomore in English from Webster City.