Right now I wish to share a page of my little black book with you.

It goes like this.

August 30, 1997.

Football season is here. It’s 8 a.m. and my chest is killing me from a long night of drinking and smoking, but I have to push on. It is Cyclone football game day. I think we’re ready. I have to use the bathroom to get rid of this breakfast bar soon!

It’s 8:30 a.m. and I need an Icehouse. If anything, it will wake me up. Where are my smokes? I could have sworn I laid them next to my boxers. There they are. I need another beer soon. Hey, it’s Cyclone game day! We’re are ready to stomp some serious Cowboy hide! I need a beer.

It’s 9:30 and Lee Corso is telling me how great Peyton Manning is, as if I don’t know. Corso bores me. I need some music to get into the mood. My choices are Pantera Live (always a favorite of my adobe) or Deftones, Adrenalin. It’s Cyclone game day, so I go with the Deftones. My head is still spinning from my band’s gig last night. … I need a beer.

10:30 a.m. and I’m starting to feel it. I’m getting there, and I know we’ll win. Oklahoma State is the doormat of the Big 12, minus 10 players and they are in our back yard. I know we’ll win. I need a shot.

11:30 a.m. and I’m fixing to call the boys. I tell the fiance to shut up, I’ll drink as much as I want. I love her for that! The crew says they have been fired up since 6 a.m. I feel as though I’m weak in my old age, but what is a brother supposed to do? Bandhauer and company are probably feeling the nerves, but I know they’ll be all right. I can feel it. It’s almost a dream come true. I turn on the radio and they are talking about my band! This is a great day! I need a couple of beers.

12:30 p.m. and I’m off to the stadium. A cold case of Icehouse and the boys! I can feel the energy building. I meet the crew and talk about who did who last night. Overall, there aren’t any stories that are too good. The same crew, swapping around with the same crew. It’s been done too many times. But, it’s still good to chat.

1:30 p.m. The sun is brighter, the women are hotter, the boys are rowdier and I am piss wasted. Four more hours till game time! I’ll make it.

3:30 p.m. I’m wondering where 2:30 went. I want a piece of OSU. I’m frothing at the mouth like Cujo. Yes, I need a beer.

5:30 p.m. It’s game time. Let’s go hump legs and spit venom. Time to get it on like a pig in heat. I’ve waited for a full year! I want it so bad I can taste in through the cigarettes and beer!

8:00 p.m. When I say to you that I have never wanted to kill so bad in my life, you have to believe that I mean it. I am crushed, and I no longer want to get married. I want to crawl in a dark hole and puke the sickness out of the burning hole that I call my gut.

12:00 a.m. I have now killed all my friends and family. They are all gone. There is nobody here but me and my world. In my world, the Cyclones won. In my world, Icehouse is plentiful and free. In my world, I am king. In my world, everyone is dead but me. Ahhhh. What a happy place. I hope you can join me some day.

8:00 a.m. I am a lunatic. Oh well, off to class.

We’ll talk later.

Chad Calek is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Persia.