Once again, I wish to share another page of my diary with you. It goes like this:

I was awoke from a terrible dream last night. This was not the average run-of-the-mill dream, but a dream of monstrous proportions.

I was at the alter with Pamela Anderson, two seconds away from tying the knot when that Motley Crue drummer shot me in the ass with a bow and arrow.

What kind of luck is that? Of course, I turned into a live wire and shouted at the devil. Man, that Pamela Anderson sure has looks that kill.

What kind of a sick dream is that?

I shook the cobwebs from my head just in time to watch the Iowa/UNI game. Boy, doesn’t Iowa look good when they play a high school team?

It’s time for the ISU match-up. I’m sure last weekend against Oklahoma State was nothing more than a fluke.

I’m wrong. Either the Cyclone football team is a long ways away from being a solid force in the Big 12, or Wyoming is the Green Bay Packers.

What was going on down there? Here’s my summary of that game in a nutshell: Fumble, Wyoming ball!

Oh well, you can’t win them all, right?

I’ve been at this institution we call ISU for over three years now. Every year I have tried my best to pump our hometown boys through the roof.

I’ve always believed that hard work, in the end, is always rewarded. I know there isn’t a football team in the country that practices and works as hard as ISU.

So what gives? Please, God, tell me when it is our turn to win a damn game. When can we celebrate with the spoils of victory? When can we hit the bars with a feeling of victory and a hankering for some serious play?

Maybe I need to relax. I mean, I don’t play for the team anyway. Actually, I should never say a bad word in my life about ISU football considering that every single kid on the team has 10 times the athletic ability that I do.

But it gets hard sometimes. I feel as though we are the rebel forces closing in on the death star, and every time we get close to dropping the torpedoes, sure enough, Darth Vader closes in behind on us.

We need some Ewoks. We need the little guys to join forces. What did Luke do when he faced Jabba the Hut? He joined with his buddies Han, Lando, Chewbacka and Lea.

We need to strike down upon those who attempt to poison our brothers. We need the Vulcan death grip. We need the truth, because it’s out there.

We need to resurrect Joan of Arc, John Wayne and Andre The Giant. We need to bring back honest Abe Lincoln, Harriet Tubman and the Dread Pirate Roberts.

The city of Atlantis is out there. Dry land is not a myth; I’ve seen it!

We need the truth.

I’m just like Jewel in the sense that these foolish games are tearing me apart.

I don’t want to feel like Jewel. Although if I truly felt like Jewel, I’d probably spend most of my day touching myself.

Never mind that thought. Bottom line: I need a win or I’m going to snap.

We’ll talk later.