When I was a sophomore in high school, Princess Diana and Prince Charles were somewhat happily married, George Bush was still somewhat of a president and Iowa State actually won a road football game.

The date: November 2, 1991. The place: Columbia, Missouri. The score: ISU 23, Missouri 22. By one measly point. Since then, we are 0-25-1.

The last time we went to a bowl game…1978. I was two. The last time we won a bowl game…never. The last time we had a winning season …1989. My voice was just starting to crack.

What a program! Wait, I mean what program?

It’s pathetic. This is my fourth year here, and ISU has won five football games. Oh yeah. We tied one too. Sweet.

Wyoming? 56-10? Are you kidding me? How ripe are we?

I laughed watching Iowa crush UNI 66-0. Then our game started.

Positives? We led 3-0, I didn’t witness it, it wasn’t televised and our team plane didn’t crash.

But it’s a whole new ballgame, I’ve heard. But we’re making changes in our facilities. But we’re making progress.

Where are the results? We aren’t seeing progress in the win column.

But we’ve been close in some games. I’m sick of that (not that it is relevant this week). Close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and slow dancing.

This year we’re supposed to be a “gathering storm.” I tell you what, so far we have been little more than a drizzle.

People have been talking the talk, it’s time to start walking the walk. This is getting to be worse than Chicago Cubs fans saying, “Next year is our year.” If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that one.

I have an idea. Let’s start blaming it on something. But we have a tough schedule. But we play in the Big 12.

Deal with it. Here’s a news flash. Eleven other teams play in our conference (I took Math 105 after all). Somehow these other teams manage to win. If only we could play ourselves.

What excuses do we have this week? Wyoming is a football powerhouse (or something like that), we were missing key players (think back to Okie State), it was the altitude (deal with it).

ISU football will be remembered for two things. Troy Davis and losing. Troy’s gone, so forget about him. We lost him too. See a trend?

I like to be positive. I have picked the Brewers to win the World Series for the last 15 years. But with Iowa State football it is nearly impossible.

I don’t know what is worse: our team or the music on the Dan McCarney show. Have you heard that? I may be tone deaf when I sing, but seriously, that is ridiculous. I could make better music with a couple of rubber bands, a tin can and a wooden spoon.

What is this I keep hearing about us having a bright future? As far as I’m concerned the future starts now. We’ve been rebuilding for ten years. Quit putting off success and just do it.

We thought it was coaching so we fired Walden. We thought it was the astroturf, so we grew natural grass. We thought it was our facilities, so we upgraded them. We have tried every slogan, and none of them have helped.

What’s next? Let me guess. Another loss and more excuses.

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Drew Harris is a senior in journalism and mass communication and political science from Peosta.