Who really won the big game
September 23, 1997
Okay, if you can’t tell, I am a little bit miffed about the football game. Not that I actually for one split-second thought the outcome would be much different. I hoped in my prayers that it would be, mind you but yet I am still a tad bit pissed.
After all, I am nothing but a fan in the end. Yet, even in the face of the many various “this game stinks” tirades I went on in my living room, I did manage to calm down and find some sort of joy in the face of the butt whoopin’ we took this weekend.
Something hit me while I was watching the game. Call it a revelation, call it a vision, call it that I slipped on a Jolly Rancher and hit my head on the side of the coffee table (it really happened), or whatever you like.
The fact remains that while I was cursing the football team, it hit me that there are at least 10 good reasons why, even in the face of losing, we are still 100 times better than those punks from Iowa City.
Reason number 1: On the front page of our newspaper we didn’t spell the word license wrong (“liscense”) about eight times in one story.
Reason number 2: We may have lost the game, but our band sounds, looks and marches so much better than theirs.
Reason number 3: Our mascot doesn’t look like some poor, drunk, endangered species high on speedballs. I mean, damn! What kind of name is “Herky” anyway?
Reason number 4: No team in America should have a running back with hair like Dennis Rodman’s. What kind of freak colors his hair gold and expects to be taken seriously?
Reason number 5: Hayden Fry is older than the dirt he stood on Saturday, and he should really consider a different job. Besides, really old dudes trying to look cool in Ray-Bans really isn’t my idea of smooth.
Reason number 6: Did I mention the thing with the gold hair?
Reason number 7: Cyclone fans are so much cooler than Hawkeye fans. Not only do we tailgate better, but we have sex in the stands and even walk around with daisies sticking out of our butts.
Reason number 8: The Hawkeyes will never, ever be able to live down those booty-ass uniforms they use to wear. Those were were the most ugly, despicable, gas-face worthy uniforms I have ever seen.
Reason number 9: Nowhere else in this great country of ours — or at least not in Iowa — can you find a team (or school) that loses with the dignity, grace, charm and downright humility than the Cyclone team does every Saturday.
Hey, we know that our Cyclones haven’t won a game. So what? We should all still go to the games and cheer, party and have the best time we can.
Let’s go and laugh at the other team. Tell them, “Hey you might be winning, but next year just watch out, ’cause we can’t lose forever.”
Tell that other team, “We don’t care: We are Cyclones,” and as they look at you like you are an idiot, laugh some more and eat a brat.
And if that still doesn’t work, just remember soon there will be more to cheer about.
Oh yeah before I forget …
Reason number 10: Basketball season is just around the corner.
Keep cheering y’all.
Rhaason Mitchell is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Chicago.