As an Iowa State student, I felt I was somewhat required to see “A Thousand Acres.” It is, of course, based on the Pulitzer Prize-winning novel by ISU’s own Jane Smiley.

For Smiley fans out there, please keep in mind this is a review of the movie, and does not in any way reflect my feelings about the book (which I’ve never read).

One important fact to keep in mind is that good books don’t necessarily make good movies. For example, one of my favorite books is John Grisham’s “The Firm.” I know, it’s the literary equivalent of “Baywatch,” but I still enjoyed reading it.

I hope the same is true of “A Thousand Acres.” The movie version was, to say the least, a major disappointment for me. I hated it.

It is so dull I kept hoping the theater would catch fire so I could leave. It’s full of one-note performances and plot points that don’t go anywhere and ultimately didn’t make a whole lot of sense.

The story concerns a farmer who impulsively decides to divide his land among his three daughters. Jason Robards is the farmer, and (surprise!) he plays a mean, ornery, crotchety old fart.

Can you guess what happens next? Everything works out great and all the daughters get along and live happily ever after on the farm, right?

Not even close. The division of the land divides the family, pitting sister against sister, daughter against father.

Jessica Lange is the oldest daughter, Ginny. She seemed almost as bored as I was. Her performance was so muted, so absolutely bleached of emotion, I began to wonder if they were using a robot that merely resembled Lange instead of the real thing.

The movie has all the markings of a chick flick. The poster proclaims “Best friends. Bitter rivals. Sisters.” Plus, every one of the film’s male characters are complete jerks.

The movie brings up all sorts of women’s issues. There are the issues of alcoholic husbands and wife beatings. And one of the characters is dealing with breast cancer.

Alzheimer’s disease pops up as well as extramarital affairs. We find out the two oldest daughters Ginny and Rose (Michelle Pfeiffer) were sexually abused by their father as teenagers.

None of these ideas gets developed in full. Or developed at all, for that matter. The issue of sexual abuse, for example, seems to exist only so Lange and Pfeiffer can have an emotional discussion about it.

Nothing in the movie gets fully explained. It’s never clear why Robards’ character decides to give up the farm, for example. It is, after all, his whole life. Other story lines pop up and disappear just as quickly throughout the whole movie.

Near the end of the film, one character lies dying in her bed. It’s your typical dead-bed, let’s-make-our-peace scenes. I felt like yelling out, “Just die already so I can go home!”

Like I said in the beginning, I’m sure the book is very good. A story like “A Thousand Acres” needs to be developed fully, so we understand the characters and their motivations. The movie doesn’t do that.

Speaking of books, if you do go to see this movie, you might want to take one along. And don’t forget one of those little clip-on book lights.

2 stars out of five.

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Mike Milik is a senior in advertising from West Des Moines.