I’m baaack! Today, I want to take us back to my bright and sunny elementary school days. In the idyllic setting of fifth grade, I had a teacher named Mrs. Hoiberg. That’s right, Hoiberg.

What does this have to do with sports? Nothing really. What does it have to do about my sports writing career? Everything.

Anyway, Mrs. Hoiberg was a really cool person. She’s been a mentor of mine since then, and this spring, when I was debating whether to apply to be a sportswriter here, she said if I did, she’d get me an interview with her son, “The Mayor” Fred Hoiberg. I applied the very next day. Thanks Mrs. H!

Fifth grade was also important because my sports career was drawing to a close.

In fifth and sixth grade, I started as a point guard for my school team.

But when I tried out in 8th grade, I stumbled on the realization that the professional career was not to be.

Relegated to the C team, I decided watching Cyclone sports was more fun than trying to play Gator (Ames Middle School’s mascot) basketball.

So that’s my story, and here I am, about to outdo even Calek for ridiculousness of prediction.

The ‘Clones are the new power in the Big 12, as they trample their non-conference opponents, and everybody but Colorado is blown away by the triple threat of a great receiving core, a strong-armed quarterback and Darren Davis.

Since Colorado is going to win the national championship (nothing ridiculous about that) the Cyclones are definitely in the Top 10. Oh, and did I mention a much meaner, stingier defense?

I’ll even give you the scores of all the games:

Game One: ISU 35, OSU 17.

Game Two: ISU 40, Wyoming 12.

Game Three: ISU 35, Minnesota 22.

Game Four: ISU 27, Iowa 20.

Game Five: ISU 50, Missouri 16.

Game Six: ISU 27, Texas A&M 15.

Game Seven: ISU 31, Baylor 3.

Game Eight: ISU 19, Kansas 7.

Game Nine: Colorado 35, ISU 33.

Game 10: ISU 20, Nebraska 12.

Game 11: ISU 30, KSU 17.

I’m not going to try to incite naked riots like Calek, but I think that is quite wild enough.

And do stop laughing — the ‘Clones will definitely at least double last year’s win total.

On a somber note, two members of the football team got themselves involved in a fight near a campustown bar, leading to misdemeanor charges.

The players should definitely be suspended for as long a time as the coach feels necessary, and I feel unless we want to look like Nebraska, it should be a couple of games at least.

Or perhaps a one game suspension and demotion on the depth chart, such as what happened to two Cyclones this spring.

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Jayadev Athreya is a sophomore in mathematics from Ames.