Bonjour friendly folks! What images do you conjure up when you think of an all-you-can-eat buffet? Well, allow me to give you a guided tour of Hy-Vee’s very own version.

For those of you who haven’t ventured into the world of the buffet, it can be a little bit intimidating the first time. It was Sunday night, 7:30 p.m. — I was confused and desperately hungry. I needed help. Even though the girl behind the cash register had two helpful years of service behind her, she didn’t seem too keen to help me. She unenthusiastically took my money and stamped my hand. Funny how mine had an “M” on it. (Even Hy-Vee knows I’m a minor!) I asked for a glass. She told me that would be another 89 cents.

So, I had now invested $7.29 into something I had an uneasy feeling about. I mean, yeah, I always buy my groceries at Hy-Vee, but did I really want to eat at their deli? Besides, it seemed awfully pricey.

I found it difficult to find a free place to sit due to all the people and the uncleared, messy tables. I finally weaved my way through the masses, shooed away a coupled of flies, sat down and claimed a table of my own.

OK, time to start eating. Sticking with common etiquette, I began with a salad. Hmm … no bouncer to check my hand for the sacred stamp. What a disappointment. Since I’m not much of a vegetable eater (sorry Mom), I filled my little plate with glazed strawberries, purple grapes, cinnamon apples and some purple gooey salad that reminded me of the green pistachio salad the old ladies always brought to church pot lucks.

Yeah, about the salad: it tasted like it looked — pretty disgusting. What should have been perfectly delicious strawberries were ruined by this awful, slimy, unedible glaze. All in all, the salad bar was a major let-down.

It was only 7:45 when I finished my salad. I still had plenty of time to get my seven bucks’ worth. I headed toward the Chinese food. It was as if the deli knew it must redeem itself — all of my senses were heightened (well, except for my hearing). I was suddenly so hungry, I wanted all of the entrees. But I reminded myself this was only my second stop on the grand-buffet ride, so I must save room.

I proudly flashed my stamped hand before asking for a serving of chicken with cashews. The nice man behind the counter asked if I wanted anything else. The crab rangoons looked good.

“Anything else?” (I paused.) “You don’t have to get anything else.” He shouldn’t have said that. I knew then it was my duty to ask for more more — lots more. Two egg rolls and a fortune cookie for good measure rounded out my dinner. Like the light at the end of a tunnel or a silver lining of the storm cloud, Hy-Vee’s Chinese food was such a big helping and was so utterly delicious that life was good again.

Even though I was full after the Chinese food, I wanted to take in more of what Hy-Vee had to offer. I made my way to the Home Style Deli, which quickly evoked the same feelings of disappointment I had with the salad bar.

It was nearing the nine o’clock hour and the pickings were getting slim. I asked for a drumstick and a side of macaroni salad. I can’t complain too much, but neither were very special. I spent so much time eating the chicken, I let the macaroni get cold. YUCK! I then sampled a piece of sausage pizza from the pizza shack. Maybe I was too full to enjoy it, or maybe it just sucked. Whatever the reason, I didn’t like the pizza much.

Hy-Vee doesn’t have a dessert bar per say (unless it was masquerading as the salad bar.). Good thing I still had a fortune cookie to eat.

I came, I saw, I stuffed myself silly. Was it worth the $7.29? Do the math and figure it out for yourself. Soup and salad buffet, $4.99; one-entree chinese combo, $3.99; one-piece chicken dinner, $3.39; one pizza slice, .99.

For all you dorm rats, I would highly suggest coming here on Sunday nights when food service is closed. Another suggestion you might want to try (but you didn’t hear it from me) is to come here for lunch — don’t wash off your stamp — and then come back again for dinner.

Hy-Vee offers its all-you-can-eat buffet on Sunday from 11-9 and Tuesday from 4-9.

3 1/2 stars out of five.

Kim Zangger is a senior in advertising from Mt. Vernon.