Bonjour friendly folks, and welcome to the first installment of the Brown Bag Review. Being a self-proclaimed culinary master, I’ve noticed the ever-increasingly large number of eating establishments in the area.

There are so many, in fact, that I’m sure it’s difficult for busy folks like yourselves to keep abreast of the best. Have no fear — the Brown Bag Review is here.

OK, so I was trying to decide which restaurant to investigate first, when I noticed New China right beside Hy-Vee. I stepped inside and immediately began humming the “Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean” jingle to myself; the place is as sterile as a kitchen in a Spic ‘n Span commercial.

One glance around the room and I counted only four out of the 17 tables in use. Let it be noted, however, that I missed the peak lunch time by an hour.

All right, time to order. My attention was immediately drawn to the full-color photo menu display of the dishes that New China offers. I’m thinking, all right, so far, so good. Now, it took me awhile to decide what to order because there are over 122 items on the menu.

After staring blankly like an idiot for a few minutes, I finally asked for garlic chicken. I was politely directed toward L. 8. Chicken with Garlic Sauce (served with soda or wonton or Egg Drop Soup or Hot Soup & Fried Rice) for $3.95.

While waiting about five minutes for my meal to be served, I couldn’t help noticing the atmospherics (or lack thereof) in New China. Just because the place is sterile enough to perform an appendectomy doesn’t mean it has to be lit like a hospital with fluorescent bulbs.

The fake green marble walls made me all that much colder in the already arctic dining room. Two paintings awkwardly hung too high, a few plants and a little shrine of some sorts are New China’s only attempt at being cozy and inviting.

Luckily, the garlic chicken arrived. The portion was huge. The rice was unlike any fried rice I’ve had before — not too sticky, not too brown, very good.

I break out my chopsticks and try the chicken. WHOA! When they say garlic chicken, they mean GARLIC chicken! (So that’s what the red writing and pepper symbol after the L. 8. was for…….) A couple of bites later, and I was used to it. Life was good again.

So, would I go to New China again? Yep, but probably not for dinner because they jack the prices way up. Would I order the Chicken w. Garlic Sauce again? Probably not.

Now, for as much as I complained about the atmosphere, New China would be a great place to go for some good food with some good friends or to catch up on some studying by yourself. Just don’t go there on a date.

If you go to New China, bring a parka, but don’t bring American Express because it’s kinda cold in there and they don’t take credit cards.

My fortune read: ‘”Tsang says Obstacles are really just stepping stones.” (Is it trying to tell me not to worry if nobody reads my review?)

New China is located at 3702 W. Lincoln Way.

3 stars

Kim Zangger is a senior in advertising from Mt. Vernon.