“Everyone in my sorority is so thin. I feel like a whale in comparison. There are times

when I get all ready to go out and then feel so disgusting about how fat I look that I end up

not leaving my room! (female, senior)

Intellectually, students may understand that in relationships that matter, people will seek them out, grow to appreciate them, and love them because of who they are, not what they look like. They may truly believe that self worth is not measured in looks, clothes, size, race, GPA’s, money—and certainly not in pounds. Yet the reality is that many people do judge. Sometimes very harshly. That can make it difficult to put feelings about oneself in a

healthy perspective.

Self-doubt, constant comparison, and painful feelings can be quite intense within those who agonize over their weight. Laurie, a junior, told me, “Every time I enter a room—a class or meeting or party or anywhere—the first thing I do is compare myself to others. Like, out of the 20 people there, I figure I’m the heaviest. It’s hard to think about anything else.”

Many students feel that because they’re not thinner, people will look past them, won’t want to relate to them or won’t ask them out. Again the truth is that this could happen. Even if a student is not judged and responded to in this way, the anticipation of this judgment unto itself can be powerful enough to keep some people in their rooms.

A common cry is, “I’ve go to lose ___ pounds by spring break.” Or “I won’t dare put on a bathing suit unless I lose ___ pounds.” Or, “If I don’t lose that weight, I’m not going.”Thirty people can say, “You look great!” Then if one person says, “You don’t,” that often seems to be enough to ruin everything. And sometimes students judge themselves more harshly than anyone else ever would.

Many vow to “start tomorrow,” intent to eat all the “right things” and even cut out drinking. Some are very strict about following through. Some aren’t at all. Others find themselves

following through until they eat one thing they know is not good for them. They then think they “blew it,” that their whole reducing plan is ruined because of that one deviation. And as long as they blew it, they feel they might as well pig out the rest of the day and “start again tomorrow!”

The feeling so often is, “If only I could lose that weight, I’d feel great about myself. That’s the only thing wrong in my life.”

How can I begin to let go of the negative feelings I have and not think about my weight every minute?”

Perhaps a first step is to understand that you are capable of feeling positive about yourself even if your weight isn’t what you think it should be. Like Meghan, you have the option to make a conscious decision to let your negative feelings go, whatever your weight. In fact, you can feel great about you and rotten about your weight at the same time. One need not depend upon the other.

And if you’re so disturbed about your weight, you can begin to take steps to do something about it. You can evaluate what you eat, when and how much. You can consider whether you’re eating because you’re truly hungry, bored, drunk or because food is “just there.” You also can seek out advice from nutrition counselors and health or wellness centers on campus, follow Weight Watchers or other balanced eating programs and exercise regularly.

However, my sense is that the main underlying issues involved here are not about weight, not about measuring oneself by any single factor. There’s a bigger picture having to do with feelings of self-worth and the ability to recognize the value of the whole person: how you value you.

It can be important to evaluate to what extent the issue of your weight and your perception of how you look has an impact on your daily life. Do you constantly walk around campus comparing yourself with how thin everyone else appears to be? To what extent do you hold

yourself back socially because of how your feel about your appearance? Do your thoughts about your weight dominate everything? Do you seriously think about starving yourself or vomiting food in order to control your weight? Are you already doing this? If your answer

is yes, it is vital that you contact someone on campus who is trained to help you.

You can make an appointment at the counseling center or speak with your RA, peer advisor, Office of Resident Life, Health or Wellness Center, Office of Student Life, Student Affairs, Dean of Students, etc. Family members can offer additional support.

Students who feel so poorly about their self-worth may find it even harder to believe that they’re worthy of being helped.

If you’re dealing with any of these concerns, you don’t deserve to handle alone what you know is self-destructive behavior and all the feelings that can go along with it. If you’re even thinking about such behavior, don’t allow this problem to go any further. Contact someone who can help you—now. The ability to begin to feel more positive about yourself need only start with one step.

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Ellen Rosenberg is a college educator and is the creator of LIFE 101 Campus Programs.