We have come to the end of another semester at Iowa State, and again, everywhere we can hear the buzzing of flies. The buzzing of their wings sounds like speeches about reflection and meditation.

They tell us about looking back and looking ahead and appreciating where we’ve been. Meanwhile, the biting of the flies makes our skin itch and our stomachs rumble, because the flies have ruined the food.

We know that something isn’t quite right. We cannot see the sun. The flies have covered it.

Students know that the one thing we must not do is allow ourselves to reflect on what we’ve learned. We must insist that we have learned nothing and that we have accomplished nothing. We must be proud of this.

Graduating seniors should keep these things in mind when they are forced to hear speeches about responsibility and progress. There is no progress and there is no responsibility. The sobriety with which we are lectured about responsibility is necessary to suppress the almost irresistible impulse to make rude gestures and throw urine at the stage. It is obvious to everyone assembled that the only thing you need to gain a position of responsibility in the world is the stupidity necessary to think that it would be worth your while, and this is all too common.

So, let me offer some alternative words of advice.

If there is anything we must remember, it is that our greatest asset is our ability to forget what is important. Our short attention spans must be cultivated to the extent that we are able to shrug off anything.

The more stridently we are told who we are and what it is we must do, the more we must look pleasantly confused. If this skill is developed, we will one day be unable to focus on any piece of propaganda for more than a moment, and then, we will be so distracted that we will understand nothing. The propaganda will fail.

We must not trust admonishments or even arguments. Trust only those who remind you that you have forgotten to forget something. Trust especially those who offer you food or sex. You cannot help but come out ahead under these circumstances.

Discipline yourself toward total abstinence from abstinence. This is not as easy as it sounds, and so you must practice being lazy constantly. Indulge yourself whenever presented with the opportunity.

Sharpen your instincts for fashion. We have had a sense of fashion rammed down our throats from the moments we were born. In another generation, the revolution will become an inevitable fashion instinct, and so it will be unstoppable. Do not allow yourself the pretense of choosing fashion. Become fashion. Shave your head and paint your face blue. Find out whether your insurance will cover cosmetic surgery to implant extra nipples.

Strive toward the eradication of all depth in yourself. Transcendence does not come from wisdom, it comes from stupidity. Wear as many corporate logos as you can. Agree with all views of the company.

Again, do not allow yourself the luxury of thinking that the clothes you wear express your individuality, because they don’t. Be content in the obesity of your corporate allegiances.The more corporate logos you wear, the more you resemble cellophane, and this is good. Strive to become a product. Destroy the human. The human is what keeps you chained, and we have become too lazy to tolerate chains.

When you say something that offends all your friends, do not allow yourself to experience guilt. Guilt is arthritis of the soul. Instead, continue to repeat the offensive phrase until your friends start screaming at you.

Buy books and eat them.

Get drunk often. Do drugs.

Have sex with strangers of both sexes. If you are tempted to protest that you are not a bisexual, you have not been paying attention. That is good. Do not pay attention.

Ultimately, remember (or forget) that your one chance at freedom is through decay. Do not strive toward anything.

Allow yourself to rot, and in the rotting you will be drawn into the system and will clog it. You will be the disaster that will bring the system screeching to a halt.

We are (not) depending on you.

Let failure be your contribution.

Let failure be your success.

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Brian Johnson is a junior in English and philosophy from Amarillo, Texas.