The Ohio Guy thanks ‘you’

J.R. Grant

This is it. The last week of class is almost over. And this is my last column of the semester.

It is not without some sense of sadness that I fill this space this week, but let’s just say it’s not that strong of a feeling.

The overriding emotion is relief and it grows with each passing day, until Tuesday when I’m done with my semester and I can go dump all the stuff I’ve stored away in my Ohio Guy brain in the toilet and flush it away forever.

I feel obligated to thank some people for everything that has happened over the last semester.

A week does not go by that someone new comes up and tells me they read this column. Some comments are good, others not, but at least people are reading.

When I started this thing last semester I wondered if anyone was out there.

I thank my editors Corey and Kris for giving me this space and tons of help.

But I think the one person I should thank the most is “you.”

Yes, this guy has shown up in almost every one of my columns. (I’m going to use “he” just out of convenience. Don’t give me any of this politically correct crap. He will sound better than “it”, or “he/she” so back off, it’s my column.)

Every week he is thrown into a new setting and forced to do a number of strange and stupid things.

He has staggered through the ice and snow, fallen down, lost his books, been late to tests and even missed tests all together.

He has stood in line for books, said “forget books,” woken up with pounding hangovers and missed class and struggled with registration.

But through it all, he has remained jovial and relaxed.

He has eaten crappy food, drank horrible drinks, played April Fool’s jokes and had some played on him.

He has stared down at the sidewalk, avoided eye contact, walked across bird crap and waved at a person he thought he knew but in reality had no idea who the hell that person was.

He has been packed in a car with 11 other people, stayed in a tiny room, passed out on the beach, thrown up in a plant and possibly been left on spring break.

Ah yes, there are not enough thanks I could possibly dole out to this guy.

Where would my column be without him? Who knows? And, I really don’t feel like finding out.

He has been the headliner for most of the semester. A simple pronoun vaulted into the spotlight, perhaps unwillingly, but he has done a marvelous job relating to all his readers.

There were no stunt doubles when he vomited in a sink during some party, or fell off a table during Veishea. No, no.

That was the real “you” doing what he does best. And what is it that you do best you might ask? Be a college student.

No one could lie on a couch like you. It’s not easy being you, week in and week out playing the role of college students.

“They are all so strange,” you said in an interview. “I don’t see how they can do all those dumb things I have to do.”

So I say thank you, you, for everything. I thank you for a great semester. My readers thank you for just being you, you, so that I don’t have to come out and name names and embarrass people. Because, after all, it is all you that are my models for YOU.

Have a great summer and I will hopefully see you all again.


J.R. Grant is a junior is journalism and mass communication from somewhere in Ohio.