Science, along with everything else, is out of control as we gear up for Veishea. As always, I will be there in an observational capacity. What better time to study human nature and behavior in a natural field setting.

I have always been a supporter of classical behaviorism. There are a lot of theories of human behavior out there, but when the chips are down, the good old Pavlovian stimulus-response always comes through.

For example, just think about the term Veishea. For me the word illicits immediate adrenaline infusion into my bloodstream followed by clammy palms, bladder constriction and an elevated heartbeat. It happens every time I think about it. I even salivate a little, like a dog to a bell, because I associate the event with great food.

People come to Veishea to satisfy needs. Some have a need to be entertained, some to be inebriated and some to uncover life’s deepest mysteries. All are just pushing that lever and getting the reward.

This weekend I will be a participant in a giant behavioral experiment. I will be like the anthropologist who goes and lives with some villagers, gets to know them, and becomes one of them, subtly introducing independent variables to see how they react. The beauty of it is that I won’t have to do any math. Just drink beer for greater insight into the mystery of life. I can write down what I see, and then I can write it twice when I see double.

I don’t imagine I will get a thesis out of it, but in the year 2001, when aliens disguised as religious leaders try to take over the earth, they will examine my journal and realize just how supreme humans are in their ability to party. They will bow down before us and beg us to teach them how to celebrate. For the first time, they will know Veishea.

So party on, my fellow students! Your activities this weekend may save the earth some day.