It’s too bad KURE wasn’t chosen to host one of the street dances for this splendid Veishea weekend, because some of its rap shows (or “urban contemporary” as they’re called) sure are funky.

I was listening to KURE one Saturday night last semester when I heard some free style rhymin’ Iowa State students bust a few rhymes along the lines of: “I’m causing disorder so make a run for the border, ya better beware of the new rap order.”

Malik Moore and Roosevelt Stewart were taking funky beats and mixing them with dope rhymes that they created live on the spot at the station.

While freestylin’ is great, I wonder how many ISU students have made some of their own homemade rap tapes when they were younger.

Didn’t some of you guys wanna be Vanilla Ice (Corey Moss), KRS-ONE, Flavor Flav, Chuck D, The Beastie Boys or some other rapper back in the late ’80s and early ’90s? Didn’t some of you gals wanna be Queen Latifa, MC Lyte, or Salt ‘N’ Pepa back in the days?

I wanted to be one of the first really funky white rappers when I was in ninth grade (this was before House of Pain and Snow came on the scene, you understand). My friends and I bought some of those little rap keyboards where you have hours of fun by getting your dog to bark into the sampler. Then you play the dog’s voice back at different notes and the mutt starts barking back and just plain flippin’ out. This kind of fun sure beats cow tipping any day.

Anyway, I recorded a rap album on my ghetto blaster called Chief Rap. Did any of you out there in Daily reader land make some homemade rap albums back in the day?

If so, we should have a special rap show on KURE over Veishea. It could run from about 3 a.m. to 5 a.m., that time when you’re batteries need some recharging so you can boogey on and on until the break of dawn. It could be called “The Homemade I Can’t Believe I Sound Like That On Tape Rap Show,” with Tim “The Freak” Frerking as host.

“I don’t like to brag , yo I don’t like to boast, but I like jelly on my breakfast toast.” Alright, I didn’t write that, I heard it from someone else. But here are a few rhymes from “Chief Rap” that you can bust to impress your friends:

“Let’s be wild, say kiabonga (I made up this word), do a little dance called the chebby conga.

“It’s a blocked shot, yeah it’s in your face, that’s what’s it like when you hear that — BASS!!! But this rap’s got treble, so call me a rebel. It’s not a dis yo so don’t miss. It’s just funky rhythm and funky rhyme. If ya miss it first you’ll hear it next time. When I put on my Cubs baseball cap, behold America — the Chief Rap.”

Well my little cherubs, I’d like to wish you all a splendid and safe Veishea but I’d like to offer some advice to some of the more rebellious types out there.

I don’t condone rioting, just as our moral guardians don’t condone premarital sex. However, many of these moral guardians might say, “If you’re going to have sex, please use protection.” In a similar vein, I’m saying “If you’re going to riot, please have a purpose and a message.”

The most embarrassing thing about the riots of 1992 was that the people were rioting for no reason, just a bunch of drunks yelling “Tastes Great, Less Filling,” or something. How does this reflect on a temple of knowledge such as ISU? Do you really want to be seen as a rebel without a cause?

If you’re going to riot, riot for an organized, populist cause. We should fight against the attempted privatization of internet services at ISU. We need worker control of businesses. We need to tax the rich and not the poor (read “America: Who Really Pays The Taxes,” by Barlett and Steele to see how the tax burden has been shifted from the wealthy to the middle and lower classes.) We need to cut corporate welfare and a bloated military budget and put our tax dollars toward human need rather than corporate greed. I’m sure you can think of many more good causes worthy of support. Once again, I don’t encourage rioting, organized peaceful demonstrations would be much better. I’ll close with some words of wisdom that political satirist Michael Moore said at Iowa State on February 8, 1996 (lecture tape available at the library):

“Whatever ways Iowa State is being asked to participate in projects that hurt the people of Iowa, you as students have a responsibility to fight that here on this campus. You’d really flip ’em out if you turned that Veishea thing into a whole different thing. You’d really be on CNN then.”

Drew Chebuhar is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Muscatine.