So are you ready for Veishea? Silly question, since most college students have been waiting for this week since the day after the last Veishea ended. People can date things by Veishea time. For instance; my bad-ass law paper is not due on the 24th, it’s due the WEDNESDAY after Veishea. I don’t have to work Friday night, I have to work the FRIDAY of Veishea. And the cops didn’t arrest me on Saturday night, they arrested me on the SATURDAY of Veishea. Get my drift?

I know we’re all excited, especially those of you experiencing your first Veishea, so I’m willing to help make your celebration flow a bit smoother. Cut this article out and put it somewhere on your person (with your fake ID, or next to the flask in your pocket), somewhere you can easily glance at it for help.

It will probably rain, or we will have 80 mile per hour winds, so dress appropriately. Last year I swear I saw Dorothy and Toto fly past me down Welch, it was that darn windy.

There will be three police officers to every one person at Veishea. It’s kind of like the guy-to-girl ratio we have here, but it’s not a good thing. You can’t swing a cat without hitting an officer (which I’m sure would get you arrested anyway, so don’t do it.)

Don’t invite all your friends up from your hometown. They don’t know what the hell is going on, and they will only slow you down. If they have other friends up here, pawn them off on them.

Along with this, remember that most of the trouble during Veishea is caused by people who aren’t Iowa State students. They don’t care what happens to our campus, but we will be left taking the heat.

Be prepared to wait in line if you want to get into the bars.

My friend was on Veishea Exec last year, and she said in two hours she saw one line move ten feet. Consider whether it’s really worth it. The bars will be there all year, but the cotton candy stand will be gone after Sunday.

Along with that, minors, don’t even try getting into any of the bars.

And whatever you do, don’t try carrying alcohol around (see hint about cop to student ratio).

Don’t expect President Jischke to throw candy during the parade; all he’ll do is wave.

If you have a small vehicle, like a Festiva, or a Horizon, don’t park it anywhere near Welch. If, heaven forbid, we have another riot, you don’t want your car to end up on its side.

They’ll be able to toss your car around easily. If you must drive, make it your parents’ station wagon (not cool, but functional, and heavy.)

My most important tip is one that I hope you will all heed, whether this will be your first Veishea, or your tenth. Listen to the little voice inside of you, not the ones beside you.

Your friends may get you into trouble, but the voice will never steer you wrong. Unless, of course, you hear more than one voice in your head, and then I think you should speak with a medical professional.

Leana Benson is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Madrid.