I went to a funeral this weekend. It was a very melancholy experience. Amid all the eye tearing and nose blowing, I realized something troubling. Women’s dress-up clothes do not have pockets.

There I was at the funeral home, crying my eyes out, wearing a pair of pants appropriately nice for the occasion, when I found that I was in desperate need of a tissue. Unfortunately, the Kleenex box was strategically placed out of my reach, and as my family was knee-deep in an emotional memory-sharing session, I hardly thought it acceptable to interrupt to blow my nose.

The same thing happened at the actual funeral service. After using the two tissues I had slipped into the sleeve of my shirt, I had to ask a friend of mine for more. Clad in a sharp navy blue suit jacket — with pockets, naturally — he had the ability to carry a plethora of Kleenex, and graciously supplied me with them throughout the day.

If only our clothes had pockets, life would be easier. For some reason I will never comprehend, those who design women’s clothing seem to think the clothes don’t need pockets. I think this is more than just a fluke … more than just a simple error in design. This is another example of the man trying to keep the woman down.

It’s a very subtle, and perhaps even unrealized, insult. Do designers think that women don’t have as many important things to carry around in their pockets as men ? I’m talking about objects a little more important than Kleenex. How are we supposed to tote keys, wallets or other personal, yet necessary, items that we don’t want the world to see?

Some may say that women can combat this problem by simply carrying a purse. This is not an acceptable argument. Carrying a purse around is a hassle with which many women don’t want to mess. Easy to steal, easy to forget somewhere, way overpriced when you buy one — no, thank you.

Men don’t have to carry something extra around in order to keep track of their things. Can you even imagine them doing it?

“Come on, Bob, let’s hit the bars!”

“Just a second, Ralph, let me grab my purse. Remind me not to leave it in the bathroom this time, OK?”

From the moment boys and girls are old enough to start wearing jeans, the male pocket is bigger, deeper and easier to put things into than the girl pocket.

Sometimes, designers will try to trick you into thinking you do have pockets, even when you really don’t. They’ll place pockets on vests, pants or shirts, then sew them shut! Or they’ll put a pretend pocket on the clothes, with absolutely no intention of creating a real live pocket to be part of the outfit.

Women have seen past their little plan and are starting to fight back against the closed-pocket policy by cutting them open with scissors. Aha! Take that, you nasty artists of apparel! Unfortunately, more often than not, the stitches are sewn rather well, and the careful snipping results in a really nice outfit with a really embarrassing hole near the newly-opened pocket. Foiled again!

Another sneaky move is to put pockets on our clothes that are never going to be used. In doing this, designers can claim to be trying to serve the customer, while at the same time not really helping the pocket equality cause one bit. How many women do you know who make use of pockets on the front of shirts? Not too many whom I’m aware of.

Due to the lack-of-pocketness with which I have had to deal over the years, I have had to use several creative measures to carry things. I have been known to keep keys or money in my shoes, socks or bra.

Speaking of bras, as a frequent runner on hot summer days, I want to give a big hurrah for the creator of the sports bra. Finally!

If a female is boiling over from the constraints of a cotton T-shirt while exercising in the heat of summer sunshine, she can lose those outer layers and still stay within the realm of most people’s standards on acceptable active wear.

While this is a great development, it doesn’t quite make up for the no-pocket ordeal.

Women, it is time for us to start designing and buying clothes with pockets! If you are a student learning how to design clothing for future runways and shopping malls around the world, please take heed. For the meantime, we’ll try not to be fooled by these false pockets that belittle our intelligence and frustrate our scissors.

Remember, real pockets mean real freedom.

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Joanne Roepke is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Aurora.