Valentine’s Day is nearly upon us. That means if you haven’t picked out the perfect gift for your significant other by now, you had better get cracking.

Actually, I am a little disappointed. I had hoped that this would be the year of the revolution. The year when men everywhere would stand up to the flower and jewelry companies and say, “We’re tired of you manipulating us into trying to purchase the affection of the people we love! We’re mad as hell, and we’re not going to take it anymore!”

While it may sound like I’m just trying to rationalize my way out of buying a Valentine’s Day gift for my girlfriend, I can assure you this is a legitimate concern of mine.

If you are in a relationship, you should be showing that person that you care about them every day. Not with what you buy them, but how you treat them. Valentine’s Day, then, would be a day for a special, but tasteful gesture.

What we have instead is a month-long advertising campaign in which men are told, in unequivocal terms, that if they don’t find the right gift for their wife or girlfriend, they will have failed.

I think jewelry companies are the most offensive. That isn’t surprising, considering that these are the same companies that have spent years advancing the idea that if a man buys an engagement ring with a diamond that is smaller than his fiancee’s head, he’s cheap.

You have probably seen the commercials for engagement rings that end with, “How else will three month’s salary last a lifetime?”

How about a CD or some blue chip stocks? And how did they arrive at three months for a figure? Did they think eight would be pushing it?

Anyway, jewelry stores spend much of January and February every year telling men that a good way to make the woman in their life feel special this Valentine’s Day is to take out a second mortgage on the house and buy a rock so big she’ll need a spotter to lift it.

By now, you may have noticed a touch of bitterness in my testosterone-laden, anti-Valentine’s Day rant. Well, it isn’t the first time I have been burned by the high expectations of Valentine’s Day. It isn’t a pretty story, but it must be told.

When I was a senior in high school, my girlfriend at the time was a freshman in college. Valentine’s Day was on a Friday and I was going to visit her on Saturday, but I arranged to have a dozen red roses sent to her on Valentine’s Day because that’s just the kind of guy I am.

When I showed up at her dorm room on Saturday morning, she seemed like she was in a bad mood. I wasn’t alarmed by this because she always seemed to be in a bad mood when I visited, but that’s another story all together.

When I walked in the room, I noticed a vase of red roses on the dresser, which was what I ordered, and I patted myself on the back for being so thoughtful.

I coyly asked her if she had received anything good for Valentine’s Day and waited for her gratitude, but all she said was, “No.”

I asked her if she had received the flowers I sent.

“No.”

It turns out that someone along the way lost the order I had placed, so the flowers weren’t sent. The flowers on the dresser were her roommate’s. Her boyfriend had sent them. On Valentine’s Day.

Not only did my girlfriend get shafted on Valentine’s Day, her roommate got flowers, which didn’t help my standing with my girlfriend one bit.

I called the flower shop to complain and the flowers were delivered on Monday, but receiving roses on February 17 didn’t make up for the Valentine’s Day debacle.

I’m having a similar problem with a gift I ordered this year. I don’t want to get into details because my girlfriend will probably read this (hi, dear) and I don’t want to give it away. But I will say that if I don’t get what I ordered by Friday, I’m giving up on Valentine’s Day all together.

Yes, despite my anti-Valentine’s Day ranting, I am still an active participant. Like most of us, I’m willing to join the revolution, but I’m sure as hell not going to start it. If it doesn’t catch on, I don’t want to be the only guy who didn’t buy his girlfriend something for Valentine’s Day. Whoever takes the bold step of being the first to say no to Valentine’s Day will have to be a single guy. No man with a girlfriend can risk it.

---

Steven Martens is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Cedar Rapids.