Before I begin the latest of my rants, let me say out front that my own personal golf experience is pretty much limited to courses that include windmills and go-cart tracks.

Maybe I just don’t understand the game. And that’s what I’m going to call it, a “game.”

You see, somewhere along the way golf somehow got mistakenly labeled a sport. It even appears in the sports page of most newspapers, but I think that’s more because the Arts and Entertainment section is already full.

So now I’m sure you’re asking “what is a sport then Mr. know-it-all sports god?”

Well, I’ll tell you. A sport must include a few basic things. It doesn’t need more than one person participating or be team oriented, but it does have to involve a level of exertion. This is where tennis and boxing come in.

A sport has to involve genuine physical exertion. It has to involve dirt, grass stains, blood, SWEAT, tears, torn ACL’s and protective cups. This is the category where football, hockey and yes, even baseball fall. A sport must also include defense. There must be more standing in the way of success than how well the groundskeeper mowed the grass yesterday and your own inability to put the ball in the hole.

This is where golf ticks me off the most. I can’t even count how many times I have seen footage of the golf “gallery” go nuts as some golfer sinks a putt from 15 feet away.

How much more impressive would this be with defense? Imagine that scenario. Say we put a goalie in front of the cup. I can see it now. “Woods with the putt, Hasek with the save!” Now there’s a game I’d watch.

And I’m sure everyone out there remembers those Miller Lite full contact golf commercials. Cool idea. You send in a couple blitzing linebackers before every stroke. It would give the NFL players something to do in the offseason and help break up the monotony of the day for the caddie.

Which is one of my main beefs with the game of golf. For something to be truly classified a sport and not a game, you not only have to use equipment, but you have to CARRY your own equipment. Name another sport where the athlete has his equipment toated around for him and then is personally chauffeured from hole to hole.

OK, so pro baseball’s new collective bargaining agreement comes close, but the player is only driven around the bases in American league parks if they have a really cool Mercedes golf cart like Deion.

And how about the senior tour concept? Show me this in another sport.

What place other than golf would you pay to see geriatric “athletes” shuffle around a field. Imagine THAT in other sports. Can’t you just picture Dick Butkus chasing after a quarterback in some geezer football league. You could even give him a walker.

No, golf is not going to be classified as a sport in my world until I see some changes ala Happy Gilmore. Until then I think I’ll just watch other sports.

Maybe the national bass fishing championships are on.

KEVIN PETTY is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Carlisle.