As I wandered through the University Bookstore just last week, on my way to replace a textbook I managed to lose, I stumbled quite unintentionally into the middle of the store’s Valentine’s Day disgust, I mean, display. Such an array! So many choices! A virtual plethora of good advice on love. The titles drew me in: “How to Get Your Man To Love You the Way You Want,” “Dating Tips,” but plainly my favorite was “Buy Book, Get Guy”.

I flipped through the pages. As it seems, this book was written by a man and a group of his friends, just regular red-blooded American males, to help women in their pursuits of men. According Paul Millman and “the Guys,” women keep making the same stupid mistakes. He says in the introduction, “Women spend fortunes … on clothes, makeup and vacations to meet Mr. Right … they can blow their whole financial and psychic investment by doing just one thing. ‘Buy Book, Get Guy’ reveals these mistakes so that you can eliminate them from your repertoire … immeasurably increasing your success ratio.”

Oh yes, a hardy thank you from Bliss Newton and “the Ladies.”

Here is a summarized list of some of the generous gems of advice for all the women of the world, from Paul Millman:

1. Men’s behavior is the product of five million years of evolution. Acknowledge this, and improve your own social life.

In other words, men, you are stagnant and unchanging creatures, content to grunt and scratch. As for women, deal with it and focus on what’s really important — socializing!!! We should all be insulted.

2. Men have always and continue to look for fertility, as signified by physical attributes in women. Women have and continue to look for security, which translates today into wealth.

Ummm…Hello? Do you think maybe Paul and “the Guys” are running on some old and useless stereotypes? Maybe, just maybe. Men want the body, women want the wallet. Yeah, uh-huh.

3. Relinquish the idea that your friends take priority over meeting a man. Most friends will get married and move on. You’ll be without friends or a man.

Okay, that’s really interesting logic there, Paul.

4. Don’t let your job overwhelm your romantic opportunities.

Meaning: finding a man is more important than achieving or doing well. Ladies, your No. 1 goal should be gettin’ that man, screw everything else. Are you getting this, people?

5. Get a makeover. Do your nails. Don’t be too hip on fashion, but avoid being old school. Wear things that enhance your body, but only if you’ve got the right stuff. If you don’t, go to the gym. Don’t wear too much makeup, but don’t go without. Don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t order unhealthy food. Don’t produce flatulence or belch in front of a man.

So basically, reconstruct yourself from scratch. Sacrifice your comfort for his. Oh yes, and women shouldn’t get gas — ever. This is not exactly what I’d call the most efficient or pleasurable way to attract. But hey, what do I know, I’m just a woman, right? Oh, but it gets better.

6. Do not include the words I, me, or my in every conversation with a man. Men disdain selfishness. Don’t be overly opinionated.

Do I even need to explain this one? Don’t think in terms of yourself, ladies, think in terms of men. Alrighty then, I’m sure we’ll keep that in mind.

7. Always wear clean underwear. You never know.

The only tid-bit worth anything in this whole book.

Books and other publications like this directly speak to one of the most difficult stereotypes yet to crumble from the rise of feminism: All men are the same as other men, and all women are the same as other women.

` The experiences of men and women are different in our society as a result of different modes of socializing, not due to innate characteristics in either sex. Even beyond that, to assume that all men and all women are homogenous groups, bound by the same wants, needs, desires, likes and dislikes, is not only erroneous, but will inevitably lead you into trouble.

I would like to think that if people were true to the things with which they feel comfortable, including with their opinions of themselves, things would fall naturally into place. But if books containing information that rely primarily on stereotypes continue to be bought and made, then this scenario is highly unlikely. I, for one, am not buying it. Most women I know are not of the sort to buy this crap either, nor are men, for that matter.

Personally, I could not live with myself as an opinion-less, nail polish-wearing, gym-going, non-smoking, non-drinking, non-swearing woman, simply because I don’t want to live that way. I don’t know too many women who do live that way, or too many men who want a woman like that. So live and let live, that’s my advice. Do whatcha like. Say whatcha like. Look how ya like. That’s the best any of us can do, isn’t it?

This is Bliss, and remember, I’m not that hard to find.

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Bliss Newton is a junior in English literature and women’s studies from Ames.