In light of all the hullabaloo being made over The September 29th Movement, I think I’ll devote this week’s column to closely examining the unfair punishment of The Beardshear Eight.

Just kidding! I’m not trying to belittle the issue, but I think I could wallpaper my living room with all the stories, letters to the editor and whatnot that have been written about it. I don’t need to add to it.

In a way, I guess you could think of this column as a “Cheers” rerun that people are watching on some random station while they are supposed to be intent on something with national concern, like the State of the Union speech that ends up getting carried on all the regular stations, thus blocking regular programming.

Some might call it avoiding the issue. I call it being able to think about more than one thing at a time. Right now I’m thinking a lot about Valentine’s Day. Not because I want to, really, but because the rest of the world and all its retailers won’t let me forget it.

You know what the biggest tip-off is that we’re getting closer to the big day? All the song dedications on the radio. It’s difficult to drive anywhere in my car (which I recently filled up with gasoline, by the way), which is my main radio outlet, without hearing at least one song previewed with some sappy dedication.

“This song goes out to Tom from his honey, Susan, celebrating their second-month anniversary of the day they met. This one’s for you, Tom.” Then your typical get-me-to-a-waste-basket-I-think-I’m-gonna-ralph love song floats over the airwaves, usually something by Michael Bolton or Bryan Adams. Blech!

Despite whether or not the song is barfy or not, music speaks to a lot of people. Many times I think the lyrics in songs represent my feelings even better than I do. Music can move people to act or to react, and not just romantically.

Some people really like to study to classical tunes by Mozart or Beethoven. Before a football game or a track meet, athletes often listen to music that gets them pumped up and ready to rumble. Others can only really dance their absolute best when they’re groovin’ out to “Stayin’ Alive.” How can we explain the mysterious power of song?

I certainly can’t explain it, but I do know this: wouldn’t life be way more fun if we all had our own soundtrack that followed us around just like in movies?

I think it would make President Jischke’s day a heck of a lot more interesting. Being the president, he probably attends a lot of boring meetings, and right now he might be feeling the strain of the whole Beardshear Eight ordeal. A little music in his life would have to be an improvement. Let’s take a look at a purely hypothetical day in the new, musical world of President Jischke.

Just think, he could start his day to Dolly Parton’s “Nine to Five,” stumbling to the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of ambition, or maybe fixing some peanut butter toast.

Now he’s ready to start his day. As he walks up the cement stairs to his office to meet his first appointment of the morning, that jock-jam type tune that starts out “Are you ready for this?” greets him.

Mail time, and check this out! Despite all the campus conflict, someone wrote the president a positive letter telling him how much they enjoyed their visit on parent’s weekend. Meanwhile, “It’s good to be king” by Tom Petty plays in a quiet, majestic manner in the background.

Then, on President Jischke’s daily walk past the horse barns, “Rawhide,” as performed in the Blues Brothers, is blasted all over the airwaves on our beautiful land-grant grounds. (All right, I’ll admit that part might not be likely, but wouldn’t it be fun to hear the president try to sing the tongue-twisting “move em’ in, move em’ out”, words that no one can really say or knows but we all like part?

On to a meeting with the student leaders about The September 29th Movement. Tempers rise and so does the volume on the next song on the soundtrack, drowning out the words everyone is saying.

If you were watching this scene, you would just see people’s mouths moving angrily, but all you would be able to hear is “Hot blooded … check it and see. I’ve got a fever of a hundred and three!”

Lunch time! “I like mine with lettuce and tomato …” Or perhaps Jischke is having a brown-bag lunch today, in which case a more appropriate song might go something like,”I like bread and butter, I like toast and jam.”

More meetings in the afternoon, this time with possible “friends” (read: donators) to ISU. Remember that song from one of the National Lampoon movies? I don’t know the name, but I think part of the lyrics could really fit here — “Hey big spender, won’t you spend a little time with me,” or maybe even “Money, That’s What I Want,” sung by the Beatles.

Ah, finally, the end of an eventful day. As the president strolls home to Bob Dillion’s “Like a Rolling Stone,” he reflects on the events that occurred.

See how easy it is? Start planning your very own soundtrack today. I’ll let you know when we get the speakers hooked up.

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Joanne Roepke is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Aurora.