Say “hello” and you’ll probably go straight to “H – E – Double hockey sticks.”

The word is bad. It has purgatory written all over it. People should be ashamed when they answer the phone or greet someone with such filth. It has no place in this politically-correct society.

At least, that’s what a small town in Texas is saying. Get the “hell” out of this town, that is.

Of course, its replacement, “Heaven-O,” is supposedly a better, more pure way to greet someone, but it doesn’t really roll off the tongue as it should.

For those looking for a more formal greeting for “hi” that doesn’t carry negative verbal or religious baggage with it, try “Cheerio.”

That greeting may have a General Mills trademark attach to it, however, and the British already have a corner on the market.

How about “right-o?” This greeting would be good for more than half of the population, while southpaws would have one more thing to overcome.

Then there’s “dumbo.” Granted, it’s more of an insult than a greeting, but still applicable if it weren’t for an old Disney movie. There’s that copyright thing again.

Saying “hello” to someone shouldn’t be such a problem. Removing the word from the English language would also mean removing it from such words as “Hellenistic,” “hellgrammite,” (an aquatic insect larvae that’s used as bait in fishing according to Webster), and “hell-for-leather” which means “at full-speed.”

Besides, where do we get off trying to change this damn language, anyway?

Oops.