The first week of class never seems to be a normal one for me, not to say that I’m too normal in the first place, but it just always happens that I go completely insane that first week.

For a moment there, I remember thinking how strange it would be if I just started writing down some of the things that popped in my mind, in my state of crazy wacked funkyness.

Anyway, after a while, I started noticing some very dry humor in a lot of the things I was thinking and since dry seems to be a common adjective in the world of sardonic humor, I thought it might make for a good column.

Here’s a little sample for ya’ll.

* You know, it took me four semesters of college before I finally fell out of my loft. But can I really be proud of an act that caused my shoulder to hang completely separate from the rest of my body?

* When you think of the word “boots,” don’t you usually think of shoes that you can wear out in the snow?

Well, I have found that this is not true with one brand-name shoe company (which will remain nameless so that I don’t sound like a frat kid).

In a micro-second upon walking into the Buckle, or whereever you choose to buy these “boots,” you are told all about the comfortableness and stability of rubber soles.

But, it is never mentioned once that when rubber soled shoes touch any sort of snow product, the chance of the shoe wearer falling (hard) onto his ass is easily 90 percent.

They never tell you that you are buying a $150 pair of “boots” that will either stay in your closet from November to March or cause enough hassle and embarrassment to keep you from making that long trek to class.

* We college students walk several blocks to get to class, while high schoolers walk maybe 40 yards from their cars to the front door of the school. Yet, they get the entire day off because of cold weather and we only get half.

Plus, they can run and not look like idiots. We have to at least keep our cool until we get away from central campus.

And how about pre-school closing because of the cold? These kids’ parents drop them off two feet from the door, and not like any cold air can sweep through their ultra-mom-bundled clothing anyway.

* If Vanilla Ice were to really get up on stage with The Nadas, could they make it work? Or would the Ice-man want more attention than the rest of the band and do something stupid like spray paint his jeans?

* Did I really just see someone wearing a medical mask to keep his face warm? Man, someone’s living a deprived life.

I mean, seriously, how hard is it to steal a scarf from someone sitting next to you in a lecture?

* Is the Guru really this bad or I am just good at defense? And why do I call him Guru? Why not “Tattoo”?

He doesn’t call me Pit, but if he did, I could be like that kid in that story I read in high school. No wait, that was Pip, not Pit. Oh well.

* I never thought I would see the phrase “crazy wack funky” in more than one article in any publication, better yet The Daily.

* I wonder what copacetic means? Here it is, very satisfactory, that’s kind of boring.

* When Great Big Freak thought of their name, did they have someone in mind? Jabba The Hut? Neuman?

I doubt they were referring to themselves, but I guess they could be. Sort of like that really bad rap group of early 90’s that called themselves Young Black Teenagers, even though they were all white.

* Is there some new hair product that everyone knows about but me? Looking around each of my classes, I just can’t figure out why I am the only one whose winter hat does horrible things to his hair-do.

I swear I saw a girl take off what appeared to be a stocking cap, somewhat similar to mine, yet her hair looked untouched. How do you do that?

* A friend of mine bought To The Extreme on tape at Walmart for 79 cents. She also bought a candy bar for 89 cents. That just doesn’t seem right.

* Tim Floyd said that after he got tossed, he watched the rest of the game at a restaurant across the street from the arena. Do you think that was a nice way of saying that he went to the bar?

I wonder what I would do if the visiting team’s coach pulled up a chair next to me at a restaurant. Maybe act like I wasn’t watching the game and keep keep asking him if he knows the score.

* What quote should I use from “Ice By Ice” to end my column? Oh, here’s a perfect one.

“Ice has never cried. I have endured the most pain that anyone can ever imagine. I have screamed, but I have never cried.”

— Vanilla, on his manliness.

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Corey Moss is a sophomore in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale. His favorite crayon is rust.