Even though I am a humongous Madonna fan, I weep with disappointment whenever I see one of her movies. I have had to resign myself to the fact that Madonna cannot act her way out of a paper bag.

Well, I’m wiping the painful memories of Who’s That Girl and Body of Evidence outta my head, ’cause Ms. Thang finally found a part that her perfectly sculpted body was made for: Evita.

Madonna plays Eva Duarte Per¢n, the much-loved and much-maligned first lady of Argentina back in the 1940s. The life of Per¢n eerily parallels that of Madonna herself.

A teenaged Eva Duarte followed one of her lovers into the “Big Apple” — Buenas Aires, to us Americans — only to find out that he had a family waiting for him.

Alone and abandoned, she hopped from the arm of wealthy man to wealthy man, becoming a radio and film actor of considerable fame in the process. Then she met Juan Per¢n, Argentina’s dictator, at a fundraiser and became his mistress.

Sounds a bit like Madonna’s own story: Young girl from large Catholic family moves from Detroit to New York with $37 in her pocket. A few dancing lessons and important “friendships” later, Madonna has her own self-titled record, and she’s splashed all over MTV.

Now, I must put aside my devotion to Ms. Ciccone for a moment, just to say this: No one else could have played the part of Eva Per¢n. Madonna is a perfect match, perhaps because little acting is required.

Sadly, though, I doubt there is any other part Madonna could play, just because I’ve seen her other work, and it ain’t pretty.

Enough dissin’ of my girl.

Eva’s story in a historical context is absolutely amazing, and Evita will positively take your breath away. The cast of thousands (literally) and the on-location filming add to the authenticity of 1940s Argentina.

I have one caveat, though. Most people know that this film is a “musical;” that does not mean a stilted, highly choreographed Fred-and-Ginger deal where everyone smiles and songs are mere expressions of the characters’ unbounded joy.

Oh, no. The numbers in Evita will wrench your gut, get the tears going and make you tap your foot. It’s an emotional roller coaster.

Nor does it mean a Grease-type “musical,” where talking and singing is interwoven with John Travolta dancing. Nope. We’re talking one or two lines of spoken words, and the rest is expressive song and dance.

Which, of course, presents a slight problem. Antonio Banderas, who plays Ch‚, the “voice of the people,” which basically means that he narrates the story and pops up in every scene, might have a sexy voice (to some), but that accent and huskiness certainly make for some difficulty in understanding his songs.

And of course, what he’s singin’ about is the most important; he basically tells the entire story.

But Madonna and Jonathan Pryce (who plays Juan Per¢n, her husband), are wonderful. The Blonde One’s vocal range has expanded greatly, and she actually hits all the right notes and everything comes out loud and clear. And with music by Andrew Lloyd Webber and lyrics by Tim Rice, how could you go wrong?

She also exudes attitude, the kind that a woman oozes when she knows she deserves better.

And sometimes it becomes hard to recognize the dignified and regal woman on the screen as the same woman who has grabbed her crotch in concert, perhaps because that space between her two front teeth was filled in by means of some dental wizardry. However it happened, it’s a transformation.

A must-see for Madonna fans, and for those who ever thought she’d stopped surprising us.