Everyone seems to have something to say about dating in college.

Some students say it doesn’t exist. Others claim it has been reduced to sporadic episodes of “shacking” and “mashing,” while others complain there is no happy medium between casual dating and a serious relationship.

Hardly discussed 30 years ago, the aging of the Baby Boomers and the onslaught of books such as “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” have made male-female dynamics a hot topic. And ISU students, males and females alike, do not hesitate to express their opinions and gripes about the dating scene in Ames.

“A lot of men don’t understand that old-fashioned women still exist. Open the damn door!” said one female student who is graduating this semester.

“I don’t look at college dating as dating. I look at it as ‘friend dating,’ so I don’t even associate the two,” a male engineering student said.

All cynicism aside, relationships with the opposite sex remain a priority among students.

“It’s one of the primary presenting issues that students come in with,” said Pat Andersen, a counselor at the Student Counseling Center.

Andersen had no statistics at press time pertaining to the number of students who have visited the counseling center this semester. “We’re too busy talking to people,” she said.

Andersen said students visit the counseling center both individually and as couples to discuss conflicts in their relationships. Most often, she said, the underlying problem facing males and females is communication.

Students seem to have a variety of attitudes toward serious relationships in college. Some say they are too confining, and others, such as junior Tyler Uetz, say it is wrong to look for your future spouse in college.

“I think it’s too big a deal. I think too many people feel like it’s something they have to do in order to fit in,” said Uetz, who is majoring in religious studies. “I think it’s part of the dogma of college life.”

“If it feels right, you should go with it,” he said. “But I think too often, people think if they meet someone in college, this might be the one person, and I think that’s too bad.

“You miss out on a lot of opportunities if you start thinking like that.”

Andersen said relationships in college are practically inevitable.

“I think relationships are pretty healthy. Humans are social beings,” Andersen said. “If you can get a relationship that’s healthy … it can be a real positive support.

“To some degree we have to have some experimenting to do when we’re looking for something long-term.”

Andersen said problems in relationships may stem from the beginning of a romance, when both individuals try to make things seem as good as possible.

They tend to bury negative feelings, which always surface later, she said.

“That keeps building layers of complexity. They get stuck,” she added.

Before dealing with a serious commitment, however, students must face the sometimes frightening world of casual dating.

“You get drunk, and you get laid. That’s college dating,” said a female student in business.

According to another: “I will never date a guy in college ever again, because it sucks.”

Conflicts between college men and women in the dating arena may come from differing expectations, and the ever-present challenge of communication.

The dating game is addressed by several books now on the market. “The Rules,” a super-seller outlining a plan for catching a husband, advises women to never accept a date for Saturday after Wednesday, and to rarely return a man’s phone calls.

The book has enjoyed much attention and now has a competitor. “The Code” is written for men, and parodies “The Rules” by explaining how to get “what you want from women, without marrying them.”

Uetz said the subject of marriage has come up in one of his college relationships.

“It frightened me, to think that at the age of 20 I have to have the rest of my life figured out,” he said.