It’s a cool, dreary day as Yvette Louisell saunters across the outside courtyard of the lowa Correctional Institute for Women toward the visitors’ room.

Signs of December are in the air and the gray sky looms above the 300-plus women’s facility in Mitchellville.

At 5-feet, 7-inches tall and 105 pounds, Yvette projects the image of a young school girl walking across a college campus — something she had once done here at lowa State.

As the 26-year-old enters the room, it’s clear that she indeed once had a bright future — until she took a wrong turn at the age of 17.

The former ISU honor student was found guilty of first-degree murder after being tried as an adult. She was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole for brutally murdering Ames resident and quadriplegic Keith Stilwell, 40, on the afternoon of Dec. 6, 1987.

Yvette threw away her future at ISU. She admits it. There’s no doubt in the minds of ISU professors and prison officials that she would have been successful.

Yvette still has to decide what will become of her in prison, says Carol Rowe, her correctional counselor.

Yvette was on a full minority scholarship for gifted students at Iowa State. She was awarded the scholarship when she was just 16. The Political Science Club and Philosophy Club were two activities she enjoyed. Yvette had hopes of becoming a child advocacy lawyer after finishing her political science degree at ISU and a law degree later.

Though circumstance has changed most of her goals, she says she has decided to make the best of prison.

She still longs for college, Rowe said.

“She is more oriented toward higher education than the average person here,” Rowe said. But there’s only so much an inmate can do. “It becomes sort of a challenge to be creative and find something to stimulate your mind.”

As Yvette walks across the room, her appearance is hard not to notice. Her large, almond eyes enhance her fair-skinned face, and her long, dark, naturally-curly hair extends past her shoulders. Suddenly, a welcoming smile forms and her perfect teeth gleam under the lights as she sits down at one of the tables.

Her face begins to grow more serious.

She said she is trying to improve herself and come to terms with the crime she committed. She said forgiving herself is one of the most important things she is trying to do.

“God has forgiven me, but what’s most important is for me to forgive myself which I haven’t done yet,” she says as tears roll down her face. “Keith’s daughter is living without her father.”

Keith, her victim, also left behind an ex-wife and parents, she adds.

Another thing that lingers in her mind is the fact that she will never achieve her goals for her education.

She called ISU her hideaway from home in Kalamazoo, Mich., where she claimed sexual abuse and mental problems in the family were a part of her life.

Shortly after settling in Ames, Yvette said she picked up some habits that set her on a road to self-destruction. “I was an alcoholic,” she said. “I drank every day.”

That was only the beginning. During her few months as a freshman at ISU, Yvette said she was very promiscuous. “I slept with 35 guys in just a few months. That’s what I thought I was supposed to do when I got there.”

Yvette worked as a nude model for a sketching class held at the Workspace in the Memorial Union while a student here. The divorced Stilwell was a student in the class.

Stilwell eventually approached Yvette and said he wanted her to come to his home each Sunday so he could get more practice with his sketches.

Yvette thought this would be a good way to make extra money, but “things began to get weird,” she said. He would ask her out to dinner, for instance, and would pay her for the lessons by giving her money under the table at the restaurants as if it was a game to him, she said.

He would often ask her personal questions and was “manipulative,” she said.

Yvette said she didn’t know how to end it.

On Sunday, Dec. 6, a week after Thanksgiving break, Yvette went to his home for the last time.

Tears fill Yvette’s eyes once more as she tries to recall that afternoon.

“Yes, I killed him,” she says as she leans her head on her tiny hand, as if her head is aching. “I was a mess.”

Stilwell made it worse that day by approaching her in “an uncomfortable way,” she said. He apparently said something that triggered her. At that moment, “I was crazy.”

Yvette stabbed Stilwell to death in his home. “I just sat there in a daze … I knew what I did,” she recalls.

She had stabbed him with a chef’s knife six times as he lay on his bed fully clothed, recalls Story County Attorney Mary Richards, the prosecuting attorney in the case.

Yvette said she had no intention of killing Stilwell that day.

The next day she went to North Grand Mall and went shopping at three stores with Stilwell’s credit cards before her arrest.

Since being sent to prison, Yvette said, she has undergone extensive therapy.

According to her treatment report, “she has been involved with counseling for childhood sexual and emotional abuse for several years. … She also met with the institution’s psychologist for an eating disorder and initial adjustment problems.”

Rowe said Yvette even sought out a grant to bring a therapist to the facility one time.

Yvette was also recently confirmed into the Catholic Church. She said she is trying to find her faith not only in God but also in herself.

She works in maintenance for a salary of $2.60 a day.

Yvette said she has been lucky enough to receive money from her grandparents who have helped her continue her education.

Yvette is almost finished with an associate degree in liberal studies from Kirkwood Community College in Cedar Rapids through television telecourses. If she can, she would like to put a degree to work and help disadvantaged or disturbed children and adolescents. Someday she would like to even get a bachelor’s degree, if she can come up with the money.

According to her treatment report, “Yvette has actively been involved in many classes, seminars and volunteer projects … She is interested in personal growth.”

A couple of years ago, Yvette sought the assistance of two ISU professors to help her finish two honors courses she had been enrolled in at ISU.

The classes were an honors psychology course taken from Associate Professor Veronica Dark and an honors English course taken from Associate Professor Helen Ewald. She received incompletes in both courses in 1987.

Dark said she was approached by Yvette in 1995. She wanted to complete the course. Yvette corresponded by mail with the professor.

Dark said she remains impressed with Yvette’s intellectual capabilities. “She was an excellent student — she was an excellent writer … she deserved an ‘A’.”

Yvette was also one to stand out in the class, Dark said. “She had a different perspective.”

On one essay, Dark said, a question asked students to consider what would happen on earth if all humans were men or if all humans were women. “She had an intriguing essay because she was writing in terms of being a female in an all-female prison,” she said.

Dark said she can’t determine if Yvette’s life is a waste now that she can no longer be a part of society. “Did she have the cognitive potential to earn a Ph.D. and make a difference? Yes she did,” Dark said. “Was it a waste? Well that’s up to her and what she is going to do with her life … I think she can make a difference in prison with a degree.”

By all accounts, Yvette loved Iowa State. She loved her classes and studying, but she also loved drinking and partying and “sleeping around.” Yvette had problems — physically and mentally — and they finally caught up with her on that fateful day, she said.

Hopefully someday, she said, society will give her a second chance when she’s ready. But that decision must be made by the governor, who could grant her a reduction in the sentence with a commutation. That rarely happens.

Her visiting time is almost up, and Yvette rises to leave the room — a small key to the outside world, where people freely come and go.

Her eyes lean toward the heavy security door as it opens for visitors to leave the building. On the other side of the door lies a world she once knew, one she knows she could have been successful in, but she didn’t know how.

She turns away, grabs her coat and makes her way back across the courtyard.