Not going to comment on the game, and that’s final. Instead, I’ll move onto boxing in order to vent a little frustration.

The big Iron Mike and Evander Holyfield battle will take place on November 9. I have a prediction.

Tyson in the second round. I know, I know. That’s not very fair to Iron Mike, but I think Holyfield has enough heart to last a round.

Which brings me to the question of whether or not there is one man alive (besides myself, of course) who could put the hammer to Mr. Tyson.

And if there isn’t a true contender in boxing, go outside of boxing to find one. Where to go, you might ask?

It’s real simple. The Ultimate Fighting Championship, that’s where. For those of you out there who are not aware of this “manly” event, let me fill you in.

It’s real simple. The most psycho men on the planet crawl into an octagon with a fence around it. There are no rules for fighting. The fight ends when somebody gives up or a doctor stops the fight.

But let me tell you. This is not like a boxing doctor who throws in the towel when a little blood is spilled. The doctors in this league are more like Jack Kevorkian.

Iron Mike would fit in perfectly with such competitors who go by such nicknames an “Tank,” “The Russian Bear” and “The Beast.”

Mike is good, but how tough is he when competitors can crack him right in the lower midsection?

Think about this. How much would you pay to see Tyson fight the UFC champion in a no-holds-barred fight?

I’d pay a lot. I’d probably pay everything I have. Hell, I’d sell my family and give my girlfriend as a gift!

Okay, so I wouldn’t go that far. I wouldn’t just give my girl away. I would get some cash out of her too.

Also, for the undercard, I have a brilliant idea! Check this. Have Roy Jones fight a baboon.

It would be history. The first ever man versus baboon fight on pay per view. The animal rights activists would rage, but hey, this is nature, baby.

The other fight on the undercard would be even more of a viewing pleasure. Just find, through the help of interview cards mailed to ticket holders, two people who are admitted alcoholics.

Of course, there will be many, but the two chosen must be separated from the crown according to weight class and past criminal record. The two lucky ticket holders will in turn get complimentary kegs of their choice upon entering the arena. When the fighters are schnookered, the match begins.

In short, the goal is to get two bumbling lard-butt criminals drunk and let them beat the crap out of each other.

That is what I call an entertaining card worth at least a Ben Franklin.

But nobody ever wants to listen to me. I’m whacked, they say. But hey, if the world would follow my sporting advice, the athletic events in this world would be a whole lot cooler.

If the fight never happens, you know I tried. In the mean time, just make a lot of love and eat malt-o-meal when your done.

We’ll talk later.

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Chad Calek is a junior in journalism from Persia. He is the assistant sports editor at the Daily.