Rodman = Alternacool
November 1, 1996
Since the NBA season starts today, I figure I had better dedicate my column to the sport of basketball in one way or another.
The NBA has become the model league for other sports to follow with its salary cap and other innovations, and is truly coming into its own through good marketing.
However, part of that marketing has become a large cancerous tumor that must be hacked off before it gets a much bigger head.
That tumor is the human sideshow that calls himself Dennis Rodman.
I would think that everyone would be so sick and tired of Rodman’s boorish antics, childish games, and latest hair color, that it would make you puke for a straight hour without stopping.
The worst part is Rodman keeps getting more popular because everyone thinks this freak is sooo … alternacool.
Just watch Rodman, and you start to understand the method of his madness. If Rodman experiences a decline in popularity, he runs out to get another piercing or changes his hair color for the 361st time that year.
However, Rodman’s staples haven’t been working for him lately, so now he resorts to crossdressing to gain more attention from a feeble audience enraptured with a boring character. Rodman is a clear cut case of style over substance.
Why is Rodman boring? How can I possibly be bored with a guy who gets repeatedly ejected from games, and treats his body like a human pin cushion?
Because he has done it all before, and he will probably do it all again soon in an NBA arena near you.
When was the last time that Rodman said anything interesting? Beyond trying to look like a band member of Marilyn Manson, Rodman has never done or said anything interesting.
Whereas some people have interesting and wonderful opinions, Rodman has simple-minded, idiotic, and even prejudiced opinions.
In an issue of Jet, Rodman said he refused to date black women because they only paid attention to him when he had money. As an example, he said that some black women who ignored him as a kid because he was ugly, now call his mother and ask her what he is up to these days.
It may be prejudice in his own race, but it is still prejudice and I can assure Rodman that there are plenty of white women who only want him for his money, also.
Rodman knows that he is on a superb team that doesn’t really need him to win every game anyway, so he pulls his crap and gets away with it. Just look back, and it is pretty obvious to see that his contributions only hurt his team in San Antonio.
In short, Rodman is a marketing genius. If Rodman saw this column, he would be ecstatic, because any advertising is good advertising for Rodman.
I hear that Victoria’s Secret now has commercials with Rodman in them. Well, I’m boycotting that establishment from now on (not that they’re missing out on any business), and I will not buy products from any company that Rodman endorses.
So I write my column anyway to beg all of you who hate Rodman to just ignore him and hopefully he will go away.
Cade Remsburg is a senior in journalism from Ames.