Last week when I was sitting at home having a relaxing dinner of Lucky Charms with some wholesome 2 percent milk, something really absurd happened.

I sat down on the couch and flipped on the news. The usual was on… you know… a murder here, a kidnapping there… then in the second block of the “TV13” six o’clock news, a story so ludicrous — so asinine, came on the tube, it almost made green clovers and purple horseshoes shoot straight across my living room.

Out my nose, no less.

The story was of a North Carolina six-year-old boy who was suspended on grounds of sexual harassment.

Yes, six-year-old and sexual harassment are in the same sentence. Not six-year-old loves Barney. Not six-year-old eats Play-doh. (Who didn’t?) Nope, six-year-old commits sexual harassment.

Is that possible? Can a six-year-old boy really harass someone sexually? Does a six-year-old know what sex is?

The only kind of harassment a six-year-old could exhibit is probably over a stolen Power Rangers Action Figure or being the lunchroom bully making kids drink awful concoctions of milk, peas, ketchup and the mystery meat all swirled together.

Go back to yesteryear when you were six years old and in the first grade. Go back to the days when you spent all day reading about the “Box Car Children” and coloring pictures of Smurfs.

You couldn’t wait for recess for one reason or another. For some it was football. For others it was being cheerleaders or running relay races.

It was a time for jelly shoes and playing kickball and of course, Boys after Girls.

The girls ran around the playground squealing with utter glee pretending to desperately run away from the boys, and when the one or two boys you had a crush on came around, a sudden case of slow motion came over and you just had to get kissed by the one you loved.

I had that experience and I’m willing to bet that Eldora-New Providence Elementary School is not the only school where this is happening.

What are we going to do about the horrible problem attacking our children’s playgrounds? What are we going to do about the insidious Boys after Girls?

We need more people like the teacher who separated Johnathan Prevette from his classmates. Because he gave the girl sitting next to him a peck on the cheek, dammit! he needs to be punished to the fullest extent of the school handbook.

Right?

Johnathan was put into an empty room by himself for punishment. He missed an ice cream party honoring students with good attendance, coloring and playing with his friends.

This happened at a public school. So now the next step would be to train a force of sexual harassment police to stop this terrible phenomenon paid for by your tax dollars.

Right?

Wrong.

Johnathan’s mother Jackie thought her son’s banishment from the room was a little much. She was quoted as saying in the Des Moines Register, “Can’t you just imagine children skipping down the hall holding hands? Isn’t that Norman Rockwell America?”

It ain’t no more, Jackie.

It’s now Politically Correct America. Take Everything to the Extreme America. Don’t Hurt Anybody’s Feelings America.

It’s charge a six year old with sexual harassment when he’s probably not even used to hearing words with that many syllables America.

Are the days of Boys After Girls over? Is the innocence of a little child’s school days going to be taken away at such a young age?

Johnathan probably still believes in Santa Claus. Now he knows that good little boys don’t express friendship or give a girl a kiss on the cheek when she asks for one.

If the school district spokeswoman Jane Martin has her way, Johnathan will be getting a big lump of coal for Christmas.

“A 6-year-old kissing another 6-year-old is an inappropriate behavior. Unwelcome is unwelcome at any age.”

Give me a break. Do you think a six-year-old knows what the school handbook says and if the parents are required to explain to their children what the policies are, why would sexual harassment enter the conversation? It wouldn’t.

I’ve worked for the Daily for three years now and I’m pretty sure there’s a sexual harassment policy. I said I’m pretty sure there’s one. I’m 20 and working and I’m not even familiar with my own employer’s policies.

This case makes a joke out of serious sexual harassment cases. This school needs to get their priorities straight and start remembering what school is supposed to be about — learning.

Learning how to be good kids with good hearts. Get a good education and not a lesson in political correctness.

There’s a time and place for everything — especially sexual harassment cases — but that time and place shouldn’t be in the first grade at your local elementary school.

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April Samp is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Eldora.