So what does the Iowa State Cyclone football team have to do to get respect in this country?

I was recently watching ESPN and Lee “I’m am the world’s largest moron” Corso was rambling on and on about his so-called “pick” for the Heisman.

Do you think he chose Troy Davis? Nope! He chose that other guy from Florida with the weird last name.

I don’t need to explain reasons why Davis should win the Heisman, especially to anybody on this campus. But Corso needs to explain why he dogs on Davis.

I was also very disappointed to hear Troy Davis say on national television that he would give the Heisman to Peyton Manning. What? Hello Troy, you are the man, so say so!

But never fear. As always, I have seen the future. And as always, I will predict it for you. Now remember, this is not an exact science, but it is more than theory.

First Prediction: Wuerffel gets injured with four weeks left in the season after partaking in the annual “put the diaper on the crocodile” contest. “I thought I had him were I wanted him. But you just never can trust those damn gators,” says Wuerffel in a post-crocodile press conference.

Second Prediction: Byron Hanspard from Texas Tech gets injured with four months left in the season.

It seems that Hanspard was roaming down the street when a herd of buffaloes wearing boxer shorts ran him over.

“You never want to see something like this happen, but we all know the danger that wild buffaloes provide. It’s my own fault,” Hanspard says.

Third Prediction: Peyton Manning quits the Tennessee football program to pursue a career as a sanitation technician.

“I’m not stupid. I can see a trend. You think I want to end up like Hanspard and Wuerffel? No way. Not me,” Manning says.

Fourth Prediction: Troy Davis makes a public statement saying that he should win the Heisman. “I should win the Heisman,” Davis says to the media.

Fifth Prediction: My final prediction comes for this weekend. Iowa State defeats Texas A & M, 36-20. Davis runs for 273 yards. Corso still is in denial. McCarney says he doesn’t want to talk about the Heisman. Davis says Manning should win the Heisman. I say Davis should win the Heisman. Wuerffel says I should win the Heisman and nobody says Wuerffel should win it. The goal posts come down and mass hysteria breaks out.

Walls start bleeding, fire and brimstone falls from the sky, cats and dogs will start living together and through it all, it’s still better than living in Lincoln.

So there you have it. A few more uncanny predictions from the Calek mental machine. Oh yes, you will believe.

Make sure you read my little column next week where we will discuss a few topics on a more serious note.

It will break my heart, but I’ve got a few things to say that I don’t think many at ISU want to hear.

Until then, we’ll talk later.

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Chad Calek is a junior in journalism from Persia. He is the assistant sports editor at the Daily.