I give up. For two and a half years I have put everything I have into supporting the Iowa State football team. I’ve bled for the Cyclones. I’ve pumped weekly propaganda so far up the butts of ISU students that they crapped cardinal and gold on a consistent basis.

But I’m on the edge now. I can’t bear to speak about the Baylor game. My advice this week to everyone is to simply drown your sorrows. Get psychotic on the world. Force your cat to sleep with your dog. Wake your roommate up with the hair raising sound of a chainsaw. Call your girlfriend up and tell her what you really do when you’re “out with the boys.” The next time somebody says something stupid, tell them that if you have to listen to any more sounds come out of their head, you will have no choice but to rage on their grandmother. Eat mashed potatoes with your fingers. Kick the person to the left of you square in the ass. Do whatever it takes to vent this frustration in a manner that does not result in death.

I’ve had it. I’m on the edge. I can no longer bear to answer questions from fellow students on campus who ask me, of all people, what happened this weekend. We lost again, that is what happened. It sucks!

And if I have to answer one more E-mail asking me why we lost, so help me god, I’m going to drink beer ’til I die.

So the usual isn’t working. The standard school spirit, tailgating and pregame rallies have had no effect on the outcome of football games at ISU.

We’re cursed.

You don’t want to believe that, do you? Neither do I, but I’m starting to lose faith. So what can we do?

Here it is. We can’t give up faith. The community must be aware that from here on out, whenever ISU loses a game like the Baylor incident, the students will be raging with the highest degree of weirdness.

The university must be prepared to deal with sudden anti-loss spectacles that involve tomatoes, jellybeans and a whole lot of rubbing lotion.

Professors must be prepared to overcome suffering student-fans that insist on sitting on plums in class while whistling the theme to “Mork and Mindy.”

But through all of this pure, unadulterated lunacy, we have to stand by our boys, cause if we don’t, who will?

Kansas is coming up. I just want to take this second to say that I do not believe that everyone in Kansas is related, but thanks for the e-mail, Richard.

We can win this one. How? Troy……Troy…….Troy……Darren……..Troy……Troy.

Run Troy Davis down their throats. The longer the offense is on the field, the fewer points Kansas will score. Wow! I’m a genius. Troy had 28 carries last week, most in the first half. We won the first half. Doxzon passed well in the second half and we lost the game. Notice a trend here.

Oh well, I’ll shut up on behalf of the admittance that I’m not a coach and I don’t know jack crap about what we should have done.

We had better win.

We’ll talk later.

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Chad Calek is a junior in journalism from Persia. He is the assistant sports editor at the Daily.