I need to loosen up.

As the only food science major on this page, there is a stereotypical image that ALL scientists are portrayed as “stiffs.” I’m unsure about the other “stiffs,” but that label does not apply to me.

While midterms are fast approaching, I am taking a break from riding on the “serious” edges and replacing them with observations of the Macarena, “Primary Colors” and weirder things.

Like the rest of America, I have not been immune from the annoying saga of a self-absorbed woman named Macarena who was dumped by her significant other Vittorino, who joins the Army to get away from her. So, after getting rejected by him, she dances (in retaliation) with all of his friends at a local nightclub while openly bragging about her infidelities. It is the latest dance craze.

In classic movie musicals a big dance scene is used to resolve any loose ends among the film’s central characters. For an updated variation on this old film genre, I can visualize the Great Hall filled with fellow Daily staffers happily dancing to the Macarena to alleviate the dual stresses of midterms and news gathering. (All parties shall remain nameless. I want to fully protect myself from massive libel suits).

Fall is also the season for the newest publications to come on the market. There will be a new book by Anonymous titled Sequel: The Primary Colors Cover-up on the tales of a mediocre Newsweek columnist named Joe Klein who was extremely desperate to obtain a greater income, arriving soon at a local bookstore…

I was deeply “inspired” enough by Joe Klein to commit myself (hey, I’ m looking for innovative ways to supplement my meager income) to doing the exact same thing.

Perhaps I could persuade my anonymous boss (a.k.a Editorial Page Editor) to allow me a similar setup at the Daily where I can “reflect” upon any unethical actions while continuing to write this column. If I am unable to influence him, I can further negotiate a broader settlement with the nameless Editor in Chief over a dish of Toll House cookies with 1 percent Lowfat milk.

I have to be very convincing with these guys in order to gain any higher leverage. (I’m going for a major book and film deal here). But that is only a fantasy. In reality, I would be immediately fired.

As Monty Python used to say, “And now for something completely different…”

Taking Michael Jordan’s “change is good” advice to heart, I want to make some major changes in finding new consultants for my new “loosened up” make over.

I am interested in hiring Dennis Rodman to shake up my wardrobe with anything wild (but in good taste). However, I don’t think that wearing purple hair would look good in a mug shot.

Despite my being happily single, I was highly fascinated with John F. Kennedy, Jr.’s recent nuptials. I want him as my distantly future (the B.S. degree in Food Science is my number ONE priority) wedding planner. In the event that I ever decide to get married, (being that I am highly assiduous over privacy), I am “borrowing” some of his ideas. Brilliantly done!

(No, I didn’t cry over his recent marriage. I’ve always found him to be a bit boring. Actually, there are a few high-profile guys I would truly like to be with, but I will not reveal any names). Dick Morris (as he is currently unemployed) can be my image consultant. I really need to overhaul my old image for a public of one.

Talk show (what are they, anymore?) circuit: Rosie’s sterile, Oprah’s irritating, Montel’s boring and Ricki makes me nauseous; Phil, please come back, I miss you.

Election day is getting nearer: 104th Congress — need I say more…

I simply don’t get it: Rush Limbaugh. Tried listening to him and after three minutes discovered that I had more intelligent things to worry over. I want a LIBERAL equivalent!

On-air stupidity: Bobby Hacker from KKDM-FM on his remark about “…people of color never attend garage sales…” that was made earlier this month.

Bring back the commercials, please?: David Letterman’s goofy attempt at a commercial-free “Late Night” last Friday. Even Pearl Jam couldn’t save this night.

“I’ll Be There for You” — NOT!: A irritating power play by the marginally talented cast of “Friends” in staging a strike demanding more pay for equally terrible acting. How overdependent can these folks simply be on each other. I certainly don’t know anyone back in Jersey who wanted to actually act like them.

Lastly, to one of my favorite singers, Ella Fitzgerald…Rest In Peace.

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Adrian DeVore is a senior in food science from Newark, N.J. She has a B.A. in English from Rutgers University (Douglass College.)