Pulling your car into literally any parking lot on campus can be a risk. The Department of Public Safety might see you.

You get out of your car and park along the Memorial Union in front of a meter and run in to get stamps. You’re desperate for stamps. You have to have your stamps!

You leave the Union after two minutes. You’ve got your stamps, but now you’re car doesn’t look the same. It has a new accessory on it. The dreaded DPS parking ticket.

You immediately crumple it up and throw it away.

You’ve learned your lesson. Next time you’ll feed the meter.

You drive to the Iowa State Daily parking lot to get your picture taken because the paper is doing a story on how you won the Most Distinguished Iowa State Student Parking Award.

It was based on the following criteria: a student who has a parking permit and has succeeded in never getting ticketed.

You park in one of the guest lots. The meter has about four minutes and ten seconds left. Never mind the fact you just got ticketed.

You go in and have award-winning Daily photographer Michael Faas take your photo.

You come in and leave within five minutes. But then you have another new accessory on your car. Your second dreaded DPS ticket of the day.

Forget seeing your picture in the Daily. The photo has been trashed and the story deleted. No DPS award for you. The only souvenirs you’re getting are the tickets.

You’re on a roll, so don’t hesitate to start up your own collection of Iowa State’s very own authentic DPS tickets.

After your disaster with DPS today, you give up and go home.

You go back to the Cyclone Stadium parking lot where you know where your car will be safe and secure from the DPS demons.

After several days, you have another errand to run. You go back to your car. There are no tickets, but something is missing.

As your eyes move down by the clutch, you realize someone has broken into your car. There are $300 worth of CDs and they are all there. The maps on the passenger seat are there. But the most important thing that you cannot live without is missing. That fresh new package of Mentos.

Are our cars safe anywhere on this campus? From either parking citations or vandals?