You know, I feel pretty damn good right now about college football. In my younger years, as a strapping younger journalist-like lad, I took a vow not to openly rip on the Nebraska football program. It’s just not good politics. I’d maybe give a few sentences of mockery towards the Huskers, but not since the days of Lawrence Phillips and his accolades have I openly denounced the heavenly Huskers.

Well, I’ve waited for over two long years for last Saturday to come, and what a day it was. Let me just say that the days of old are gone. When was the last time Iowa State won, Iowa lost and the Huskers entire fragile little world came crashing down. There is a god, and sometimes I feel as though he really likes me.

Let’s start with Iowa. They suck.

Okay, now let’s move on to Nebraska. Oh boy, what it must be like to be completely humiliated and embarrassed. I thought Scott Frost was just as good as Tommie Frazier? Well, after two games I’ve come to the conclusion that if Scott Frost had to pass the ball in order to save his life, he’d die. Not only would he die, but he would die in the most brutal of fashions. The grim reaper would turn Frost into his pet yak.

And where was the running game? Where was the mighty ground attack that the Husker faithfuls have come so accustomed to?

Here’s what I think. Now remember, this is just my opinion.

God, tired of the evil doings occurring on the Nebraska football program, took the running game away.

“Nebraska shalt not run any longer. Thou shalt not be in thine upper echelon of college football. Thou shalt only suck from here on out,” God said (I think).

I may be wrong about this, but I’m pretty sure about this.

If it all sounds like a crock of poop, think about this. God, ready to teach Nebraska football a lesson by proving what comes around goes around, hands the Huskers a loss to the Arizona State Sun Devils. Sun Devils? Hmm. Little too much in common there, don’t you think?

Those which make you, break you, I always say.

Oh, how beautiful. I congratulate those little Sun Devils. You feisty little freaks.

Nebraska has bigger problems to worry about. The Huskers now are very human. Every team knows that now. When a champion bleeds, usually he bleeds to death. I got the feeling that many teams are going to be head hunting the boys down in Lincoln. Down with the Huskers! Down with the Huskers! Come on, everybody sing along! Down with the Huskers!

Two years I’ve waited. Two freakin’ years. I love everyone right now. Even the Huskers, for without them, none of this could be possible.

And what about the Heisman race? Ahman Green is definitely gone. Peyton Manning choked. Marcus Harris plays for Wyoming (enough said). Danny Wuerffel is the leader, with Troy Davis closing in on him.

All it takes is one Florida loss and our man TD is in. Wakka wakka woo!

Congrats to the Cyclones too. You looked great out there, fellas. Missouri is next on the list. Keep it going.

We’ll talk later.

---

Chad Calek is a junior in journalism from Persia. He is the assistant sports editor at the Daily.