Tell me again – why do I hate McDonald’s?

It will make me fat.

Thanks so incredibly much to the 200 students who showed up in July to beat Ronald McDonald back into the Union. If I’d had the time I probably would have chased him all the way to Campustown. I never did like clowns.

No, really, thanks (to) all of you who took (to) the front lines to keep McDonald’s out of the Hub. I mean, obviously if anybody actually liked McDonald’s, “the Man” wouldn’t be trying to stick him in our face on central campus. Obviously the board of directors were conspiring to get us all fat.

You see, it’s actually pretty clear. They’re in it with Cy-Ride, who want students to get plenty plump for winter so the buses can get better traction in the snow. Weight gain was my biggest worry concerning allowing fast food on campus. I know if it was allowed, I would put on another 40 lbs. this winter.

I know last winter it was McDonald’s fault when I gained weight. Oh wait, maybe it was all that Coor’s Red at Adelante’s last keg. Or the free drinks at Tazzles. No, no – it was McDonald’s. It had to be – didn’t it?

I’m pretty sure I’m representative of the other 25,000 students that were too busy thinking about insignificant things (e.g. homework, world peace, why Maple Hall is all girls and TRA is 70 percent or so guys) to take a couple of cuts at Ronald.

Enough about nutrition. Ronald stinks.

The stench issue is also very important. Did you know that 71 percent of Americans between the ages of 17 and 23 feel McDonald’s smells worse than the Ames municipal drunk tank on Veishea weekend? The remaining 29 percent have never been in Ames on Veishea weekend (yet).

One time I went by McDonald’s on I-29 in Sioux City. Smelled just like a cross between a packing plant and a sewage treatment facility. Oh yeah – I guess there was a packaging plant and a sewage treatment facility there. I’m pretty darn sure Mickey D’s is what smelled so bad, though.

Anyway, if that darn Jischke ever tries to put a John Morrell or a municipal water treatment plant on central campus, I’ll be on the front lines too “fight the power” every step of the way.

For those of us who truly care about fighting progress, I’m planning a field trip to meet with the professionals at the Amana Colonies. Call me.

Kevin Madsen

Junior

Psychology